At Sweet 16

Joyce is 16 months today. She is trying to pick up words. From the sweet little girl she has become that irritating little cricket which around you keeps mugging you with that stupid sound. When I am around she believes my hip is the most happening place. Saturdays and Sundays she hunts be down to every nook & corner of the house.

1. She is almost WEANED. ATLAST. 'Almost' because, days when I am lazy to boil & wash & sterilize I just breastfeed her.

2. At 14 I mentioned she goes and calls her dad as soon as I start putting the plates on the table. Now she starts pulling the cushions down from the chairs, climb them, then climb the table, will leave space for the plate and side dishes and will reserve herself a nice spot, from where she can send everything crashing down with just one kick.

3. Climbing, reaching out for things at different heights is her favourite sport right now. She is mostly found on top of the dinning standing at the edge and yelling out to me to catch her. I don't have time to go get the camera, I rather save her or its my CDs, DVD player, TV, cellphone, handbag etc that will be at stake.
4. When I scream at her, she points a finger at me and blabbers. Maybe she is saying calm down mom, who knows.
5. She can hum tunes when the song is on. She loves the "Bonney M"s I think. In the car, she will get on to my lap, turn the volume knob for a 20 from 9 and clap her hands and smile. I will need ear plugs or a sound proof room looks like.
6. She will smile at the camera and so the actual expression is missed many a times.
7. She loves to play with the ball but as soon as she starts, the crazy mom and dad are kicking it around in the house, and she is tired finding it for us from under the bed or sofa or whatever it is.
8. She will pick or pluck a flower or leaf or even a twig and bring it to her nose and inhale it.

9. She can pour water all around. I let her play around in the tub for a while before I bathe her. She aims the water at herself but not quiet on target yet. She also helps me water the plants and wash the balcony. Just give her a mug and she will follow me around doing the same.

10. Sleeping. phew!! She will test my patience before she sleeps. On the bed, she will keep moving her little butt and head from one direction to the other searching for that perfect spot like a dog, sometimes she will let her legs hang outside the bed, then decide against it and get back in.

11. I think she is a little slow on the talking thing. A few things she says,
App - was meant to be apple but in Joyce's words it is anything that is round.
tar - which is star, which could be anything on my T-shirt since thatz where I first showed her a taaar.
bow bow - thatz the dog. sometime even the cat is.
na na - is what she calls the children in building. I tried didi and bhaiya but nana stuck on.
Mumma - Every body in the family is Mumma, sometimes there is a Mummy too. Instead of Dada that we have been sticking our heads out and teaching her, theres an occasional baba.
vavo - When the stage is all set for her to go to bed, she will put both her hands to her tummy and ask.... vavo vavo?
che che - She will put a finger to her nose, make that piggy face and tell us she has just done the job, or if she just passed gas.
kllas - Its my mom's hindi, Khallas, for everything that is over. We tried undoing the killer-khallas but its here to stay.
Illa - In mallu means, no. so anything missing, not found is all "illa". That according to my mom was my favourite word as a teenager.

Lots of blabbering. Different pitches and tones. You can almost make out if she is asking or telling you or just annoyed by your lame response.

I am Judgemental about

Today I came in for half-a-day to work and also today is our last day in this place. Its absolute chaos with everybody clearing desks and packing, marking boxes and so on. we moved in here just 3 weeks back. Some kind of re-location trying to get each department into a single premise. Quite an excercise. So with this final move I need not get into the hitch a rick or walk a mile after P drops me off in front of his office. I can now simply get down in the parking and just walk to our respective firms.

So with all this happening around, I am in no mood to work. So I think I will just do the Judgemental tag passed on by Swati which I had anyway decided to pick from Usha & HHGM. So here I go ....

I am judgemental about ..

1. People who make a great deal about looks and color and make comparisions like my daughter is fairer than yours. Makes me think you are all Shallow.

2. People who crib a lot. Makes me feel you love being in that sorry state. "Dukh mein hi Sukh hai" category.

3. People who are very rich. Makes me think you got too much black money.

4. People who pass sarcastic comments during normal conversations. makes me think "You are too cheap".

5. People who praise others unnecessarily or go about cho-chweeting others. Makes me think they are dumb.

6. People who praise their spouse or in-laws endlessly in public, makes me feel "something is wrong there" and if you crib about them I feel you are just a cribmaster :).

7. People of houses that are not moderately neat & clean. Makes me think, you are confused. Yeah, I kind of associate a cluttered house to a confused state of mind.


I will pass the tag to Risha. Anybody can pick it come from here, seems like I am one of the last to do it.

Grandparents as Babysitters

This is one thing I have been thinking of writing for long. A random post here and there had got me thinking and I wanted to write the other side of the story ever since.

For many people who have a setup like ours just do the obvious things. We are not the first parents who have children, we are not the first set to be living with parents, we are not the only family where grandparents look after their grand children. Lot has been said about using grandparents to baby sit and how that isn’t right. Everyone who makes such a statement makes it from a context.

For the many grandparents I see where I live and around, they so want to look after their grand children. There are grandparents who are absolutely hurt because the son/daughter thought they weren’t fit enough to look after their kids. Grandparents look forward to indulging the little ones. That bond between the child and g’parents is very special. I know of a lady who is 70 years and lives alone. She sleeps scared and tells us somebody is following every step of hers in her house using a camera. Her daughter lives at a 30 mins distance and she visits the children everyday. I know 60 year old parents fly every six months to their only son to look after their grandchildren. They have a lot of ailments like the bones aren’t very strong etc etc but they are very happy. The 2 kids are a handful and it isn’t easy. The son takes such good care of his parents, it’s very evident. The uncle & aunty upstairs miss their grandson so much when their son went abroad on an assignment. Aunty used to get him ready for school, fetch him and it never once dawned on us she might being used. The son again takes very good care of his parents. Weekends they are generally seen going someplace or the other and sometimes even seen with a driver.

In India, for a working set of parents, the best option is to leave the kids with their grandparents with a maid. You do not stress your parents and you also have the luxury of your child being cared by people you trust, love & care. But different grand parents have different preferences and you keep that in mind while you make your decisions and don’t go by the book. When I offered a full time maid, my mom refused right away as she found handling the maid a more tedious job.

For grandparents who are alone in this age, kids are a way of keeping their minds off unnecessary thoughts. Yes, an idle mind is a devil’s workshop. Lonliness, insecurity, emotional backlogs are all things of the past after being with children. Its upto us as daughters/sons or daughter-in-laws/son-in-laws to respect that extended hand and treat them as part of your family. There is no better feeling, than the feeling of being wanted and cared at that age.

When I say ‘treat them as family’ I mean, talk to them.Have them in your discussions over things you wish to buy etc. My mother was one who cried over giving off our semi-auto washing machine for the fully automated one. When you go for an outing, ask them out as well. Don’t make assumptions that they might not enjoy. Get them gifts, surprise them just like you would do for your child or spouse. Make sure you spend that extra little or go that extra bit to make them comfortable on a trip. Sometimes, its just about calling a few of their friends over for dinner on their birthday or anniversary. Its not about over-doing it but about letting them know you care inspite of whatever differences you have. It’s not enough to just buy them medicines when they are sick.

I am not talking here about grandparents who are working or who have a life outside their home or who are not willing to look after the kids (perfectly understood) and of course the ones who cannot for lack of health. I am talking about mothers like mine, whoz entire life revolved around us and church and now with very little on hand she enjoys the toddler at home. Talking to her, doing the household chores, gardening, feeding her, putting her to sleep is something with which she is occupied. If we were to do things right, we wouldn’t hear a lot of “I am all alone now” or “Who will look after me” or “I am scared” and the kinds. I am not sure we are successful but I know we try.

Grand parents also do many little things to make the kids special in their own way. My mother for example, will always bathe Joyce with boiled water using tulsi. It has a flavour of its own and it feels nice to see that. She uses “rasmathipodi” after bath. She has got “wayab” and lets Joyce chew the stick. It is suppose to clear your tongue. With a slight fever, honey and ginger or sorts are served immediately. She has red wine brought in specially from kerala, because it’s good for digestion. All these are little things that in her own way, she does to make her grandchild special. If Joyce is found crying louder than is usual, when I am around, I get a mouthful. The oil that is used to apply for Joyce and Sharon is made by my mom after extracting oil out of coconuts. An aunt of mine sent me a whole big packet of dried banana slices, with bananas grown in their backyard. One might argue what is difference between stuff we buy from the ones a made at home. There might be none. But these small things add a streak of speciality to my baby. Its love and care shown in ways only they can. I personally will not have the patience for any of that.

This is not to point fingures at anybody, nor am I trying to take the moral high ground here by saying you should get along with all and stuff. I am just trying to say the other side of the story. Because your parents look after your kids doesn’t mean you are using them, its only when you take them for granted and don’t care for them, it warrants the “using your parents” phrase.

Finally, here is a picture of my mom and Joyce in the garden.

Just for Fun

Its fun to play with a child. Joyce rewards us with gigles and drools during a game. I and P used to play peekaboo with Joyce and she enjoys it endlessly but we used to get bored shouting "Kande Kande" meaning "Saw you". So we started the adult version of peekaboo, the hide & seek. We hide and make all kinds of noises to lead her to us. We enjoy it and she does when she finds us till then she is shouting "Mumma Mumma" to all and sundry.

We also play the Mumma elephant and little elephant when both of us are on all fours and I follow her around in the house. I dance to the nursery rhymes and when she laughs, I am not sure if she is laughing at the awkward kind of poses I am striking or if she is actually having fun.Who cares anyway.

P and Joyce wrestle on the bed and this was basically invented to keep her on the bed, away from the laptop while I am working but most times they are having a ball.

Between the 3 of us we can play some good football. OK, maybe it doesn't qualify to be called football, maybe the kick, lick, throw or roll the ball. I amuse myself by kicking it around the house because I have never played football in all my life.So I enjoy it as much as she does.

My mom loves all of Joyce's toys. She remains more amused at the dog who is doing a sumersault than Joyce. I have also seen her pull along Joyce's toys and Joyce is found following the toy around the house.

A couple of days back, I was in a meeting room for a conference call. The meeting room over looks 2-3 acres of land with a stable, 4 horses & 4 foals and a fence around almost an acre of land. It was drizzling and the 4 horses kept galloping around with their younger ones following them closely behind. The mother horse kept dodging with the foal running back and forth. They are animals but the bond the mother and the little one shared was obvious. I could see that they were having so much fun.

With one ready to laugh at the drop of a hat you feel like the world's greatest entertainer. With one ready to follow you, makes you feel like a world leader and with one ready to amuse you with every little new jig, you feel very privileged. Even if the 'one' is a tiny tod. And true for probably all living beings.

Howz That???

When the sister was in town a week back, I took advantage of the situation and got a new template for myself. She had no idea what a blog is and still haven't got much clue of all of it. She is the only one with a creative streak in the family. She was working for a multimedia firm before marriage but currently stay put at home.

So, after dinner, both of us put the daughters to sleep and then sat with the Hunk for 3-4 hours daily. Tharini's blog, was one blog we frequented for ideas. She showed me a few headers she came up with but this is where we finally decided to stop. I cannot draw a 'C' in paint and photoshop is a long shot, she would have gone home and I would have been stuck with the same old template till the next trip. We had fun over tea and snacks and music on TV from 10pm to 2am most days. There is something special about night outs and music & working. A couple of days I dozed off while she was working and I woke only to provide expert comments as in 'Yes' & 'No'. Since she had already spent some time on this,I went ahead and helped her create a site. I hope she does something with it.

If any of you want a template, you can write to her with your ideas and see if she can create something for you. She has a toddler who keeps her on her toes so please plan to bribe the toddler for the mothers time. Its all free for now till she is confident enough.

Finally, a BIG THANK YOU to the sister. I don't need to say it I know but still ;)