Diet & Parenting

The latest big issue in the peapod-dom, is her diet. Diet caught between 2 different parenting styles, mine & the hubby's.

Peapod, untill she was about 24-30 months was a totally non-fussy eater. She would eat anything we gave her, raw vegetables, diced fruits, rice, chappatis and her fish and chicken. I have never force-fed her ever till date. I don't like the concept of it because I do not have the energy or patience for it. I feed her only when she responds positively to "do you want something to eat?". Sometimes I might peel a cucumber or a carrot and hold it for her and she might pick it up and ask for more or sometimes just ignore it. I offer her food when I am having it or with a 4 hr gap. Its a set routine 8am - 12pm - 4pm - 8pm. If she doesn't have her food at noon, then I wouldn't ask her untill 4ish when its time for the evening snacks. If she skips breakfast(which again is not frequent) she might have something at 10ish. I just don't fuss too much around it. Its been pretty rare that she hasn't had 2 straight meals. I am also not very fond of weight-adding foods like butter or ghee or chicken or eggs. Butter with bread, eggs at breakfast, chicken for lunch or dinner, just like how we would have them. I do not deliberately add them to anything and everything just because I want her to put on weight. That is also because she has a fair diet around everything we have for meals. She is full of energy and is active all the time and that is all I care. I & P have a lot of differences around the peapod's diet. He wants me to add butter/ghee to her food. Make sure she has her chickens & eggs. I do not fuss simply because that is just how I am. I can not. I might do it for a day when I realize she hasn't had anything the entire day, then I might sit with the food threatening to smack her but it is just not my cup of tea to fuss over her all day all night all days. And I think my carefree or non-fussy attitude with feeding has also helped her understand when she is hungry and tell us when she is. And I have no hang-ups about "oh God she must be so hungry to ask" kinds. And she has her food in one go, matter of 15mins or less. Ever since she turned 3 she has begun to fuss over her food. I just took it easy. P worried endless. Her food intake had indeed taken a dive but I didn't see anything in her that would worry me. After the jellybean arrived last week, her food intake has got back to normal. And I realize her turning 3 was end of march when her school closed. She was pretty much out of physical activity at home untill the jellybean arrived last week, so that explains. Milk is the only thing I fuss around. Most days Mom handles that and so for days together I don't need to untill I am told for 2-3 consecutive days she has put up enough drama to avoid it. That is when I get up all in arms. The other reason is I know she is never going to ask me for milk and the answer to "do you want milk?" in a million years will still be "No", so I know there is no hope there. And the reason might be me again. I hate the sight and odour of milk. She seems to have lost weight and ofcourse people make long faces & comment "Dont you give her anything?". But the truth is she has grown tall and her weight is just age appropriate. She is a healthy child. I take pride in the fact that she doesn't fall sick frequently and seems to have a good immune system. No regular cold & coughs. I wouldn't fuss over a running nose if she is fine otherwise. Just make sure she has a handy handkerchief. The last time she was actually sick with a high temperature was in early Jan. Its been like 5 months. God bless, that is good for me.

This difference in our parenting style exists over everything. P is an (extra)careful and (extra)cautious parent while I am the "chalta hai" kinds. All my precautions are totally driven by my instincts for the day and have no fixed rules around anything. I am more about have fun while he is more about "take care". Of the many things I have read about parenting, maternal instincts they always say is often accurate. And nothing else has comforted me more than that one thought. If I am comfortable with the way my child is then I am doing it right. Inspite of all our arguments, 95 times of 100 he lets me have my way :) for which I am thankful to him. I have friends, moms, who parent like the P would like it. And we talk about it all the time and laugh over it with rolling eyes "God you sound just like my hubby".

I might sound like a loony mom who has totally lost it. That is what P thinks too. But I am telling you it works for me, to which he agrees reluctantly.

Just Gup-Shup

There is no way I am going to be able to complete this blogathon that I declared on myself without much thought. I was on a 1 week leave. At home. Totally rested. Mom's off to kerala to attend the little boy's baptism along with my sister. I and my other sister couldn't make it. But my other sister, the Jellybean's mom is in Pune while mom is away. The peapod and the jellybean are having a great time. Lots of sweet conversations. I wasn't feeling very great and hence took a week off with my sister in town. I was totally rested. Slept mornings and afternoons, only to be woken up for food, tea and some niceties and our general gup-shup. Sisters totally rock and so you should have atleast one ;).

I read Amit Varma's "My Friend Sancho". Its an easy one day read. Since I have been reading him for almost 2 or more years, I think I would just like anything he wrote. While the story is pretty interesting but it kind of ends like many Malayalam movies do, leaving the audience to figure out what could have happened. And like his posts there were a couple of thought worthy lines and scenes.

I started reading "Not without my daughter" and god have I been glued to it. I couldn't put the book down untill after 1am y/d. I do not think I can rest untill I know how she pulled it off. I can only thank God I have been born in India for whatever its flaws are atleast I know I have a right and stand a chance to justice even if it might mean I may have to take to the streets, a signature campaign, a hunger strike, a candle light march, dharna, whatever it takes.

I am really happy the UPA won the elections with good majority. I hope they deliver. I did not have half a hope in any other contesting parties.

Roads are being built-rebuilt all over pune. Specially the one I take. I hope its done in time before the rains. The construction work all around gives a lot of hope that it will adorn a look it really deserves. Suresh Kalmadi has been talking about the metro project for a long time now, its high time to put a proper local transport system in place. The 4-wheelers and 2-wheelers are screwing up the traffic, the roads and the environment. How I wish I had a bus or a metro to take and had 30-mins of reading time to-n-fro. I had a 45 mins bus ride during my last job. It used to be hopelessly crowded but I enjoyed that 45 mins reading even if I was standing on one foot. I hate this driving business, I am just not made for it. Specially city drive.

That is all for now.

Self motivated People

How many self motivated people do you know? 2,3,5,10,20. Good. I am actually going to tell you a story of 2 highly self motivated people I have known. There are plenty others too but these two always stand out for me because they made it look very simple.

M is my best friend's best friend. She is this beautiful Punjabi girl who anybody would want to look at twice. She was quite a svelte. And the beauty of it was she could say "Kuttey kamine" with amazing ease. You wouldn't know how to react to a girl like her say that. We would be giggling all the way home trying to just say it loud and yapping about the reactions she got. No, that was not the motivation bit story. That is still coming. Her father had a paralytic attack when she was in school. She had a younger sister and brother. She and her sister took tutions and scrambled through school fees and all that was needed. They would do all kind of odd jobs to get through their education. M is a doctor, she works with kids with speech and hearing disabilities. She worked part time at some hospitals to get through her medical college fees. She latter moved to Bahrain, helped her brother complete his engineering and then moved to the US to study further. 2-3 part time jobs a day with your regular college and studies, could make anybody feel like a victim of bad circumstances. But not M. She just enjoyed everything she did. Because of the fact that she had to do odd part time jobs to keep the money coming in, she never stopped enjoying life. She would go for odd concerts, plays, movies, anything that caught her fancy. I & my BF(best friend) met her once at 9pm on my way back home. We were dead tired after just that one job we were doing. She was coming back after her college, from where she had taken the local to an another suburb, tutored some kids, then travelled to the next station, changed into a Saree at about 7 and helped around with some product exhibition/roadshow. She had so much to tell us. All I & the BF had to say was "bl**dy code wasn't working". After alighting from the train at 9:30pm we would then walk to the nearest coffee shop and yap another 30 mins over espresso. Gossip, bitch and laugh. Her enthusiasm was just contagious. Inspite of the baggages life gave her, she was totally at peace with it. Absolutely no victim hood stuff. I haven't spoken to her in atleast 7-8 years but She is a constant reminder of how one can make lemonade when life throws lemons at you. She totally rocks.

J taught me C, a computer language. Absolutely brilliant and very lively. Infact his enthusiasm use to tire us out. He lost his father when he was very young. He studied in a vernacular medium school. His mom was a teacher in his school. When he got admission into his engineering college, he did not know how he would pay the fees since he had just enough money for a year's fee accumulated by taking tutions and some odd jobs at TOI(I think). He did 4 years of engineering in double the time by taking breaks after each year to accumulate money for the next years fees. Job at the computer institute where I met him was one such odd jobs. He refused a couple of high paying offers to only pick stuff(VLSI) he wanted to work on. He appeared weird to us then when we were all just doing our graduation and trying to get a hold of what we want. What we wanted was simple anyway - a job that pays. He moved a couple of companies and then moved to the US. Today has a couple of patents to his credit on Chip design or something like that(I mean some totally intelligent stuff). I had lost a year in college and was totally depressed. My parents weren't talking to me. He kept telling to just utilize the time to do something. How does it matter 10 years down the line how many years did I loose. He totally inspired.

Lessons I have learnt long long back, thanks to these people, it doesn't pay to playing the victim. Rise above it. You have one life. Love it and live it. No self-pity please.

I am Loving it

Things I love about myself

Monika has tagged me to brag about 5 things I love about myself. That I would have to say would be

1) I love that I am independent & confident.
I love the fact that I am independent and can take my own decisions. I always know what I want and I am pretty sure of myself. I have it in me to get out of difficult situations and start at the beginning if required. I am a born survivor.

2) I am adventurous. If I have good company, I can go any length and indulge in anything. Sky Diving has been one of the most adventurous thing I have done till date. I just can not stop flaunting it ;)

3) I love just being happy. I love to laugh. I can find humor in daily life. I can laugh at myself comfortably and can let others laugh at me as well.

4) I love that I am an eternal optimist. I am just wired that way. My hopes of a win are pinned high untill the last ball. I believe in the phrase " And lived happily ever after", so if its not happy yet, its definitely not the end yet.

5) I am pretty easy-going. I am an absolutely non-fussy person and that might because I am lazy to create a fuss kinds. I can just get along with anybody.

Kids & racism

This one is from my drafts. This one was written when blogdom was discussing racism-shilpa shetty issue remember.
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Color discrimination is something that Jellybean doesn't understand yet. But I know, she is a little disappointed when stupid neighbours and strangers indulge the peapod and act as if she isn't standing right there. My heart breaks when I see that look on her face where she is staring at the lady who is not looking her way but all eyes for the peapod. I pick her up, hug her and tread off in a different direction. But she keeps struggling to get a glimpse of that stranger with the peapod. I keep thinking, can I shield her? Should I? I can not keep educating stupid people but I just don't entertain such people. Maybe its human behaviour, I don't know. The twins were like this years ago. The jellybean's mom wheatish and the other fair and people kept discriminating even in school. There were kids younger than us who would call her the black-didi. There were people who used to identify her as the black child. It hurts a child and I do not know how people can comfortably be blind to that fact.

Inspite of it all she never got into a complex over her complexion or hated the other twin because she was fair. It was because my parents never made a big deal of it. Infact my mom used to call her the black beauty. Straight facts. My Dad used to just say how he thought she was the prettiest of the 3 anyway. He wasn't exaggerating, he wasn't pampering, he would just state it. He wasn't even looking for approval from any of us. She was punished everytime she went out of line, even if it was because someone called her black. There have been times when I thought it was bloody unfair and have fought dad. But nothing changed. All 3 of us were dealt with equally, no bonus points for being either fair or dark. The one girl I haven't spoken to after a fight in school was the one who hit the jellybean's mom. I don't remember what trigged it, but I was really mad. I hit them back and walked(ran) away never to talk to them again. The families were family friends then and even now, but we kids have never spoken after that. Its probably also because we havent met since school. I remember her everytime I go for my communion. Silly, I know but its never come to me from within. I was just too hurt.

I have no doubts the Jellybean will grow to be a charming & confident little girl like her mom and all these will be forgotten. She like her mom will sit and make fun of it all one day. She will find her own ways to tackle racism or discrimination based on her complexion. Parents will discipline kids with broken hearts knowing their kids were provoked. But its a lesson to teach our kids to love beyond color & appearances by doing so ourselves.

The resident Diplomat

In the past 2 weeks, we have seen some change in peapod in terms of her strategy in handling mumma and daddy. Untill 2 weeks back I was at my wits end with the endless whining for no particular reason, screaming for absolutely non-negotiable stuffs and tantrums at the most inappropriate moment. Our own reactions to these went from getting irritated, screaming back, time-outs, a couple of whacks and then just plain ignoring. And mom tells me she is this devilish self only with us, she has been pretty good with mom, my sister, my cousin & baby Neil.

This monstrous behaviour seems to have disappeared over night. She is in a mood to have a dialogue, she is ready to negotiate, she is ready to listen and ask more. Sometimes looks like she is just out of some training class about "How to handle your parents" and she is doing pretty well with it.

Here are a few examples

This one brings up Jesus and sharing in one sentence to just shut us up.
Mumma: Peapod have your milk
Peapod: Is it hot?
M: No, its just right, you can have it now
Peapod: If I drink milk, Will that give me strength?
M: yes baby
P: Keep it on the table, I will drink it
M: We have to leave, just finish it soon
P: Jesus will punish me if I finish it, I will share

This one was the diplomatic approach
Dada: Peapod, come here
Peapod(in a different room): Dada, peapod will come, okay?
D: ok, come fast
Peapod: peapod will come
While the Dada and mumma were getting amused, she never turned up. she probably realized this was so much better than yelling "No"

Here is how you can negotiate
She was seen standing on the balcony one morning and trying to fly and negotiate terms with a birdie.
Peapod: Birdie, come here and take me
(after waiting for a while)
P: Do you want chocolate?
(After no response for a while)
P: Do you want time out?

Here is an another way of losing an argument without making it look so and infact making it look like she is doing me a favour
Mumma: Wear your shoes fast, mumma has to go to office
Peapod: I want to watch cartoons
Mumma: we can do that in the evening, I am getting late.
Peapod: I want to watch now
Mumma: OK then, I am just going to go and you can stay here all alone. I will tell Ammachy you did not come
Peapod: Mumma, do you have to go to office?
Mumma: Yes
Peapod: Ammachy will cry if I don't go
Mumma: Yes
Peapod: Peapod just forgot, I will wear my shoes and come, ok


She speaks good malayalam with the perfect tense. Some of the words are not pronounced very clearly, but still perfect sentences. Her questions have gone up exponentially. I have already started kicking myself for not paying attention in school. She also has got my mom's mallu accent. There is a "Tondy" instead of Twenty, "Kai-sa laga", "ungle" for uncle and a "ellow" for yellow and sorts. We are ROTFL every time one of these gems come rolling. There is never a dull moment in the peapod-dom.

May Blog-thon

Have you read about the May blog-thon? I read about it at Monika's and think maybe should give it a try. I have atleast half a dozen post in my drafts which remain unposted. They might all seem a little out-dated but what the heck I got to run a blog-thon.

National blog posting month talks about it all. One is suppose to post 31 post by the 31st of May. I have quite a lot of backlog since I start late, but if I get a post for each day going forward I think that would be quite a feat for myself.