The worst is hopefully over and the best has begun which is feeling the little kicks. The kicks aren't hard enough for the peapod to feel it yet but the hubby has. I am just beginning to show and I haven't put on any weight from the point at which I started. I so wish I have a little girl this time as well. It doesn't matter if my mom were 3 sisters and we were 3 sisters and I already have a daughter. I just wish for an another daughter. God, I hope you are listening. And if you decide otherwise, that is fine as well and I will probably just love him as much. Its just that I love the concept of 2 daughters better than a son and a daughter. Every second person I seem to be telling this is busy changing my mind, like that would help. Also maybe I shouldn't write about it here, least it gets thrown in my face during teenage years. They can jam my life either way, "you are the one who wanted a daughter, I wasn't begging to get here" or "oh you never wanted me in the first place". So might as well stop when it isn't too late.
There are times I look at the peapod and wonder if I can love anybody any more. I feel love for the kicking monkey, I worry if I am eating right, I worry when I forget my calciums and iron but I can not still compare it to what I feel for the peapod. While I was single and felt I could save the world, I wanted to adopt a child. After the peapod I just wasn't so sure of myself. If I couldn't be fair at heart, it would have killed me to do that to a child. This one is atleast our flesh and blood. One can not fall apart emotionally atleast this way. I use to love to read adoption stories and see family pics where you can't tell which of them was adopted in mags and reader's digest. I had seen a tamil movie on adoption that had madhavan and simran with a couple of my tam friends. I saw that movie for madhavan ofcourse inspite of not knowing a word of tamil. I loved the movie even after seeing it using subtitles. It was a very touching movie. Today I have way too much respect for people who adopt inspite of having kids of their own. I mean I see them with a 100-fold respect today, not because of the adoption per say but because I think it takes a very giving and loving soul to be able to invest equally emotionally. Having said that, I don't understand Angelina Jolie or Madonna's adoption of a child from every continent.
The other thing on my mind was the age difference. Since I and the twins have a 2.5 year difference, I always thought that was ideal and that is what I wanted. Infact I always wanted to have twins. I am sure its pretty obvious I wasn't remotely thinking of handling them, I was only thinking of cute family photographs. Anyway, ideally, on paper, in magz, in other homes, kids with lesser gaps look very very cute. If I could buy it over a shelf, that is exactly what I would have done. What I didn't quite realize is for a 2-2.5yr gap, planning works backward to almost 1-1.5 years. Ha, I wasn't even thinking remotely of a second child then. Now after 3 years of parenting, I feel more confident to go and make that perfect "Hum do humara do". So while I wanted a lesser age difference between the kids, there is no way I was mentally ready any earlier. I just hope the kids bond like us and better(if that is a possibility) and are there for each other FOREVER.
My ideal family pic would have a huge couch with newspapers and pillows thrown all over it where the hubby is reading one and me an another or having an argument sorry discussion over whatever is the current hot topic, with our huge mugs of tea and some music playing in the background. The room would overlook our balcony from where the sunlight would pour into our room. The balcony would ofcourse have a small garden with the vibrant colors of green, yellow, red, white, pink and purple thrown in good proportion and the 2 kids on the carpet right in front of the couch doing their own stuff, even if it means one over the other. Ofcourse a 'Ramu kaka' must be toiling in the kitchen managing the next meal :). Dreams uh!!!
Now that I am 22 weeks, well into my sixth month I so want to tell people, EVERY RANDOM PERSON I meet that I am carrying. So my reply to "You have grown so dark" or "You look so tired" or "You have lost so much weight" or "Haven't seen the peapod in a while" or "Aren't you appearing for the exams in Dec" or "What about your year end appraisals" and even for stuff like "When do we have the prayer meeting at your place" or "How many kids do you have" or "Is she your daughter?" or "We do not see enough of you" and sometimes even for a "Are you coming over", "Are you ready", "can I have something nice to eat, today?", "Where is my Shirt?" is all met with the same answer - "I am Pregnant" :). And post that I am hoping you will drop all that you were saying and just pamper me with "oohs and aahs and wows". Did I just hear you say how naive & self-centered. I so agree.
Mom is off to Manali next week with my sisters. None of us have ever been to the north and I was so looking forward to a holiday in the north.The hubby just didn't want to take any risks with the H1N1 virus around and the six month preggy wife. I am so mad that I have imposed a ban on the "travel & living" channel, which he is so fond of, in our household untill we travel and live next.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Happy Birthday dear Mom
A rock of strength and unshakable faith are probably the 2 things that describe my mom. As a girl who was born in a small village in Kerala with values and ideas as conservative and orthodox as it can get, married a man who believed in living life king-size, it wasn't easy. She has changed to accommodate a lot of the world outside her little village. I being her eldest have been a witness to her life, their life and 2 different philosophies of life at work. My Dad's philosophy was " Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" and my mom's is "Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!". You see.
Mom was our rock. We could bring any kind of bad news home and let it off our chest knowing well my mom can handle it. That wasn't the case with my Dad, he was way too sentimental. When I flunked one year of my graduation, the first thing I did was get on my bicycle and speed home. Once I told them, she gave me her dose and then went on to say things like ofcourse its not the end of the road and stuff. My Dad did not say a word and had an asthama stroke that night. He was admitted to the hospital for a couple of days. He did not talk to me for almost a month. Admist all this my mom went on talking to me about what next, attending to dad, getting the 3 of us to run home-hospital with food, talking to the doctor, more to the mallu nurse, cooking and all the other 1000 things that stay-at-home mom's do. She was rock solid and unfazed. When she was worried , she would share it with us but we could see she was strong.
She is a women of faith. Her strength is in her prayers. That I also guess runs in her family. They(I mean the whole of my mom's family) pray like people who have had that realization that faith can move mountains in their personal lives. They are people who have faced show-stoppers in life, like no rains would mean no harvest, like debts running higher that one can fathom, like life altering/threatening illness, situations like dooms-day and have come out not only unscathed but better each time. They are not loud but pray silently in the confines of their homes and rooms. I have been a witness to a few of such situations & so I am a believer too. The little faith I have in the good lord comes from my mom.
Mom is full of practical advise and proverbs. We could actually have a whole argument by just exchanging proverbs for proverbs. We learnt that from dad, what do you think they were doing with such 2 extreme philosophies. She can be persistent if she chooses, like she can keep saying "oil your hair" 1643 times or untill you actually oil your hair. She has this attitude about life that, things that need to be done now , should be done now. Its of no use if you do it a day or a week or a month latter. So when my sis was home post-preg and her regime included mutton soup in the 3rd week and because no one was available around that time to get it, she went to the mutton shop, generally where ladies do not go and bought and continued my sis's post preg regime as required. That is her mantra. If she thinks her help today will make a difference to anybody she will do it, and will not harp about how she can not because of x y or z reasons. She doesn't believe in confrontation, she believes things will get sorted out with time. She believes, the less you talk, the less crap you churn out. She reads and she still has about 3 mag subscriptions to her name. She also has this very annoying habit of trying to find something positive in everything that has absolutely gone wrong or about somebody we totally abhor. It is very annoying most times but we have just learned to ignore it with time.
With her looking after the peapod, I have no worries about the peapod. Our outlook of life are the same and so that leaves me peaceful in every way.
She turned 61 on the 17th and I pray for a healthy happy life for her. She was supposed to be in Goa for her birthday but the swine flu ruined our plans. We have an another plan in place, lets see if that works. My cousin sis surprised her with a gold bangle. She was thrilled to be getting it from the youngest kid in the family.
That smile on her face, the laughter in her voice is very very reassuring.
Mom was our rock. We could bring any kind of bad news home and let it off our chest knowing well my mom can handle it. That wasn't the case with my Dad, he was way too sentimental. When I flunked one year of my graduation, the first thing I did was get on my bicycle and speed home. Once I told them, she gave me her dose and then went on to say things like ofcourse its not the end of the road and stuff. My Dad did not say a word and had an asthama stroke that night. He was admitted to the hospital for a couple of days. He did not talk to me for almost a month. Admist all this my mom went on talking to me about what next, attending to dad, getting the 3 of us to run home-hospital with food, talking to the doctor, more to the mallu nurse, cooking and all the other 1000 things that stay-at-home mom's do. She was rock solid and unfazed. When she was worried , she would share it with us but we could see she was strong.
She is a women of faith. Her strength is in her prayers. That I also guess runs in her family. They(I mean the whole of my mom's family) pray like people who have had that realization that faith can move mountains in their personal lives. They are people who have faced show-stoppers in life, like no rains would mean no harvest, like debts running higher that one can fathom, like life altering/threatening illness, situations like dooms-day and have come out not only unscathed but better each time. They are not loud but pray silently in the confines of their homes and rooms. I have been a witness to a few of such situations & so I am a believer too. The little faith I have in the good lord comes from my mom.
Mom is full of practical advise and proverbs. We could actually have a whole argument by just exchanging proverbs for proverbs. We learnt that from dad, what do you think they were doing with such 2 extreme philosophies. She can be persistent if she chooses, like she can keep saying "oil your hair" 1643 times or untill you actually oil your hair. She has this attitude about life that, things that need to be done now , should be done now. Its of no use if you do it a day or a week or a month latter. So when my sis was home post-preg and her regime included mutton soup in the 3rd week and because no one was available around that time to get it, she went to the mutton shop, generally where ladies do not go and bought and continued my sis's post preg regime as required. That is her mantra. If she thinks her help today will make a difference to anybody she will do it, and will not harp about how she can not because of x y or z reasons. She doesn't believe in confrontation, she believes things will get sorted out with time. She believes, the less you talk, the less crap you churn out. She reads and she still has about 3 mag subscriptions to her name. She also has this very annoying habit of trying to find something positive in everything that has absolutely gone wrong or about somebody we totally abhor. It is very annoying most times but we have just learned to ignore it with time.
With her looking after the peapod, I have no worries about the peapod. Our outlook of life are the same and so that leaves me peaceful in every way.
She turned 61 on the 17th and I pray for a healthy happy life for her. She was supposed to be in Goa for her birthday but the swine flu ruined our plans. We have an another plan in place, lets see if that works. My cousin sis surprised her with a gold bangle. She was thrilled to be getting it from the youngest kid in the family.
That smile on her face, the laughter in her voice is very very reassuring.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Swine flu, schools and parents
With Pune turning out to have the maximum number of people infected with swine flu and with 2 deaths that I last heard/read of, the scare seems to get closer home.
While I & the hubby continue going to office without second thoughts, sending peapod to school has become a discussion topic everyday after we scan through the papers.
Untill friday, we were of the opinion that we were ok with her going to school as long as she is doing well and we aren't infected, and the teachers at her school confirmed they were admitting only kids who are perfectly fine (no cold, cough or soaring temperatures). We didn't see a point in grounding the child, since it didn't seem like it was going to end soon. Also, since both of us were going to work and were meeting all sorts of people, touching all kinds of knobs and surfaces at work.
There was a parent-teacher meeting on Saturday. The principal & teachers discussed their rationale behind keeping their school open and it seemed reasonable. Parents can choose to send or not send their kids. Parents were requested not to send their kids if they even had a mild cough or cold. On Saturday, through a voting mechanism by the parents we voted to keep the school open untill the government sends out a notice. This morning,unusually, peapod was in a very peppy mood. She brushed and bathed and actually wore the clothes I put out for her without a fuss(that is a first). Did not scream her lungs out when I brought out the talcum powder. She did not complain about combing her curls and stood still for a good 2 mins untill her Dad was combing. She was ready 10 mins before her van actually arrived(that is a first again). When the van honked right below our apt, P went around to drop her but there wasn't a single kid in the van. I quizzed the driver from our first floor balcony about the kids he plans to pick up from the next block. He said, of the 6 kids he picks up after the peapod, 5 have already called in to say they weren't coming. We chickened out. We got the peapod out of the van immediately. I called up her school and of the 30 kids only 5 turned up today. I do not mind her staying back home for a week or 2 or even more but I did not want to panic or get paranoid where not necessary. For now, we have decided to keep her off school for 2 more days. We'll see how the days and weeks progress with the swine flu update.
This meeting was also my first interaction with the other parents. The peapod can name about 10 friends from her class. I manage to remember a few names and probe her everyday and we do have very interesting conversations about who did what and kinds. Anapandey was one of the names that I remembered. Turns out, the name is "mangal pandey". I met mangal pandey's mom who was sitting next to me in the meeting. She was the paranoid mom, angry at the teachers for not shutting down the school, angry that her son would fall ill every 2 days when he comes to school, angry at the principal because she asked her to get a medical fitness certificate from her pediatrician since she hadn't sent her son to school for the past 1 week, angry at the van guy because her son who is 3yrs was hit by an another younger child and so on. Generally dis-satisfied with the whole thing. After 5-10 mins I wasn't sure I could say anything to her because ofcourse I probably was one of the kinds that had no complaints. Peapod enjoys school and is a constant source of amusement to us with the varied tales she brings home. And "touchwood" she isn't the one to sneeze & cough every second day. And I love when she goes to school because there is so much to talk and tell at the end of the day. The other kind of parent was the one I had usually read about on MM's or Kiran's blog but I had never encountered in real life. They were the parents the teacher went on to address very harshly, " We do not like being taken lightly. When we call up some parents when their kid is running a 102deg temp, the response we get is, I am in a important meeting, can you please handle it at your end and then they switch off their phones..on.&.on". I was dumb founded to say the least. WHO DOES THAT??? WHAT EARTH-SHATTERING MEETING ARE YOU IN??
Over cautiousness and quick to panic kind-of attitude trouble me big time but I did take that any day over "I don't give a damn" kind of attitude. That gives me nightmares.
Meanwhile I hope the government does something to get the situation under control. And I wish the health minister would stop talking totally because that would then save him the time & energy to go about apologizing & explaining.
While I & the hubby continue going to office without second thoughts, sending peapod to school has become a discussion topic everyday after we scan through the papers.
Untill friday, we were of the opinion that we were ok with her going to school as long as she is doing well and we aren't infected, and the teachers at her school confirmed they were admitting only kids who are perfectly fine (no cold, cough or soaring temperatures). We didn't see a point in grounding the child, since it didn't seem like it was going to end soon. Also, since both of us were going to work and were meeting all sorts of people, touching all kinds of knobs and surfaces at work.
There was a parent-teacher meeting on Saturday. The principal & teachers discussed their rationale behind keeping their school open and it seemed reasonable. Parents can choose to send or not send their kids. Parents were requested not to send their kids if they even had a mild cough or cold. On Saturday, through a voting mechanism by the parents we voted to keep the school open untill the government sends out a notice. This morning,unusually, peapod was in a very peppy mood. She brushed and bathed and actually wore the clothes I put out for her without a fuss(that is a first). Did not scream her lungs out when I brought out the talcum powder. She did not complain about combing her curls and stood still for a good 2 mins untill her Dad was combing. She was ready 10 mins before her van actually arrived(that is a first again). When the van honked right below our apt, P went around to drop her but there wasn't a single kid in the van. I quizzed the driver from our first floor balcony about the kids he plans to pick up from the next block. He said, of the 6 kids he picks up after the peapod, 5 have already called in to say they weren't coming. We chickened out. We got the peapod out of the van immediately. I called up her school and of the 30 kids only 5 turned up today. I do not mind her staying back home for a week or 2 or even more but I did not want to panic or get paranoid where not necessary. For now, we have decided to keep her off school for 2 more days. We'll see how the days and weeks progress with the swine flu update.
This meeting was also my first interaction with the other parents. The peapod can name about 10 friends from her class. I manage to remember a few names and probe her everyday and we do have very interesting conversations about who did what and kinds. Anapandey was one of the names that I remembered. Turns out, the name is "mangal pandey". I met mangal pandey's mom who was sitting next to me in the meeting. She was the paranoid mom, angry at the teachers for not shutting down the school, angry that her son would fall ill every 2 days when he comes to school, angry at the principal because she asked her to get a medical fitness certificate from her pediatrician since she hadn't sent her son to school for the past 1 week, angry at the van guy because her son who is 3yrs was hit by an another younger child and so on. Generally dis-satisfied with the whole thing. After 5-10 mins I wasn't sure I could say anything to her because ofcourse I probably was one of the kinds that had no complaints. Peapod enjoys school and is a constant source of amusement to us with the varied tales she brings home. And "touchwood" she isn't the one to sneeze & cough every second day. And I love when she goes to school because there is so much to talk and tell at the end of the day. The other kind of parent was the one I had usually read about on MM's or Kiran's blog but I had never encountered in real life. They were the parents the teacher went on to address very harshly, " We do not like being taken lightly. When we call up some parents when their kid is running a 102deg temp, the response we get is, I am in a important meeting, can you please handle it at your end and then they switch off their phones..on.&.on". I was dumb founded to say the least. WHO DOES THAT??? WHAT EARTH-SHATTERING MEETING ARE YOU IN??
Over cautiousness and quick to panic kind-of attitude trouble me big time but I did take that any day over "I don't give a damn" kind of attitude. That gives me nightmares.
Meanwhile I hope the government does something to get the situation under control. And I wish the health minister would stop talking totally because that would then save him the time & energy to go about apologizing & explaining.
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