Poppins recently wrote a very nice post on milestone envy. Here is my experience.
There is this family friend we visit once in a while. They have 2 kids, one a school goer and the second a good 4 months older than Joyce. Ever since Joyce was born, the mother & the grandmom have been proding me about what I feed her. For a good 4 months it was just milk and you would think, that was easy. No, but they would ask me,
"Did you give her water"
"No"
"Not even in this heat"
"No"
"When you run errands, what do you give her"
"nothing, I just plan accordingly"
"How about formula"
"sometimes"
"how many times"
and so on, an another visit in a months time, we have the same line of questions. A regular call and the same line of questions. I am questioned, my mil, my mom, P all are questioned in one way or the other and almost one after the other, probably in a different location in the same house. Solid food started and the number of questions rose exponentionally. Now this is how it goes
"So what do you give her"
"pretty much everything"
"what do you give her in the morning"
"whatever we are having for bfast"
"what do you have for breakfast"
sensing I have to go through this, "she has porridge followed by roti"
"what time does she get up"
"6:30"
"when do you leave"
"by 9"
"so within 2 and 1/2 hours she has both"
"YEAH"
"and then"
"then mom takes over"
"so next when does she have food"
"not sure maybe around 10"
"what do you give her at 10"
"anything"
"anything? do you give her fruits?"
............and then ofcourse "do you give fish/meat/milk/soya bean"
This is an excerpt from a real conversation. This was continued till dinner with every little detail she could extract. Other than the fact that this conversation is boring & tiresome, it is very disturbing to have to provide the minutest detail of my child's day at gun point even if its not the least bit harmful.
This is the same conversation I have with the mother everytime I meet her, be it at home, at a marriage, at a function, at church and at the end of it I don't want to be anywhere within 10km radius of where she is.
I am a first time mother and one would think I should be more curious to know what people feed their kids. I am very comfortable with the feeding business. I give her everything we have if it isn't very spicy. I offer her everything I feel she can have and having mom or mil around helps since it gives me the confidence that I am not messing around big time.
I can understand the curiosity of a first-time mom or a mom ready to start solids, I also enquire, but in a very complacent manner and I don't go enquiring at (what seems like) guns-point style. I discuss how-to-wean, how-to-potty-train etc etc but that is because I am not there yet. This sounds more like "Do you feed your child something that I havent noticed or I don't know". I am disappointed for her because I haven't discovered anything that grows only in our balcony on the planet to ensure her she is on track playing James Bond with me. P tells me its just something to talk about. Maybe. Maybe motherhood does that to people. I am sorry to complain but it is not very easy to handle the tons of questions I tell you. Maybe it is also because I am under tremendous pressure(which I hate) while answering her, waiting for her to tell me, oh but thatz not good at all (after all that 'I am comfortable' jazz) or that is so unhealthy(God forbid).
15 comments:
I hear ya....I hear you so well.
I've met my share of such over inquisitive mommies too. Sometimes I decide, like P said, that they are just looking for some conversation topic but when it gets persistent then it is irritating.
Can be pretty irritating- esp when the two of you share different backgrounds, and the lady in question will not really shift to your ways, but still persists in a second by second update! Busybodies, i call them, and i'm totally with you on your grouse.
what wud i do??? i will probably dress my baby like a tiger or a lion n tell the other woman..the baby goes hunting n eats whatever she hunts hehehehehe...Suni I can sense ur irritation...
LOL ! And thanks for the mention Sunita:) It can be pretty annoying to be bombarded with questions like that. I used to get that a lot esp when poppin was younger, esp since she was really chubby and stuff.
It would make me feel guilty(!) when the questioning aunty would immediately say, 'Oh you're so lucky, my granddaughter eats nothing. Such a cute chubby baby you have'.
Upon which my MIL would rush to remove the evil eye that was cast on my daugther and the next time she refuses a morsel will be attributed to drishti. Bah.
chillax lady!!!!
take a deeeeeeeeeeep breath in, take it out
take a deeeeeeeeeeep breath in, take it out
:-)
wait till ya lose all the weight you gained during preg.. then the question will go like..
How many kg you gained during preg? What is your weight now?
What do you eat? You only eat toast? No jam? how many glasses of coffee you drink?..blah blah..
hi,
commenting for the first time here...
the kind of conversation mentioned in the post can be really irritating. i am pretty sure that you won't do anything that will kill the child. why is this lady so much worried? every mother has got her own style and i would say that no one is to interfere with it.
:)
and after some time it will be
where do you send them for tuitions? or do you teach yourself? how many hours? what books do you buy?
All the best :)
i think u shld take up pushpa'suggestion next time
You've inspired me to write a post on the subject. Do take a look when u're free.
Hahahah..You can find such items all around. You talk about kids, I used to get so irritated when people would ask me , how do I manage cooking and work soon after marraige.
What was most irritating to me was , our land lady asking my husband every day , if he had breakfast or what did he have for breakfast. She feared , since i am working , I will starve my husband..:D
BTW..added your link to my page ..:)
New Look!
Cool one :)
-Mru
@upsi: would be fun to hear your stories as well
@naina:I think we need to spice up our lives to get better topics
@jlt:u bet
@pushpa: he he, next time I am gonna borrow that line.
@poppins: my mil ditto on the drishti thing
@sarah: you mean his never ends?
@risha: that is what i want to tell the lady ..take a chill pill.
@asha: thanks for dropping by, I think its more on, am I missing somthing out that the other has discovered
@whatsinaname:Thanks for dropping by,So there are gonna be such questions forever and ever ..need to come up with smart lines
@swati:Thanks for dropping by. Sure blogroll me.
@art:already on my list.
@mru: are you around??
i had a friend who'd come to my house and make a list of all the books in my daughter's room plus all the 'educational' toys she sees there along with publisher/manufacturer's details. for some reason she thinks my daughter is a 'perfect' kid. i once pointed all my kid's flaws in an attempt to make her see that there is no ideal child just as there is no ideal adult. but all in vain. needless to say, i do my best to avoid her!
i guess its stems from insecurity and the feeling that someone else is doing better. that it can get on the other person's nerves is what they dont see.
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