Tuesday, August 25, 2009

A few random thoughts at 22 weeks

The worst is hopefully over and the best has begun which is feeling the little kicks. The kicks aren't hard enough for the peapod to feel it yet but the hubby has. I am just beginning to show and I haven't put on any weight from the point at which I started. I so wish I have a little girl this time as well. It doesn't matter if my mom were 3 sisters and we were 3 sisters and I already have a daughter. I just wish for an another daughter. God, I hope you are listening. And if you decide otherwise, that is fine as well and I will probably just love him as much. Its just that I love the concept of 2 daughters better than a son and a daughter. Every second person I seem to be telling this is busy changing my mind, like that would help. Also maybe I shouldn't write about it here, least it gets thrown in my face during teenage years. They can jam my life either way, "you are the one who wanted a daughter, I wasn't begging to get here" or "oh you never wanted me in the first place". So might as well stop when it isn't too late.

There are times I look at the peapod and wonder if I can love anybody any more. I feel love for the kicking monkey, I worry if I am eating right, I worry when I forget my calciums and iron but I can not still compare it to what I feel for the peapod. While I was single and felt I could save the world, I wanted to adopt a child. After the peapod I just wasn't so sure of myself. If I couldn't be fair at heart, it would have killed me to do that to a child. This one is atleast our flesh and blood. One can not fall apart emotionally atleast this way. I use to love to read adoption stories and see family pics where you can't tell which of them was adopted in mags and reader's digest. I had seen a tamil movie on adoption that had madhavan and simran with a couple of my tam friends. I saw that movie for madhavan ofcourse inspite of not knowing a word of tamil. I loved the movie even after seeing it using subtitles. It was a very touching movie. Today I have way too much respect for people who adopt inspite of having kids of their own. I mean I see them with a 100-fold respect today, not because of the adoption per say but because I think it takes a very giving and loving soul to be able to invest equally emotionally. Having said that, I don't understand Angelina Jolie or Madonna's adoption of a child from every continent.

The other thing on my mind was the age difference. Since I and the twins have a 2.5 year difference, I always thought that was ideal and that is what I wanted. Infact I always wanted to have twins. I am sure its pretty obvious I wasn't remotely thinking of handling them, I was only thinking of cute family photographs. Anyway, ideally, on paper, in magz, in other homes, kids with lesser gaps look very very cute. If I could buy it over a shelf, that is exactly what I would have done. What I didn't quite realize is for a 2-2.5yr gap, planning works backward to almost 1-1.5 years. Ha, I wasn't even thinking remotely of a second child then. Now after 3 years of parenting, I feel more confident to go and make that perfect "Hum do humara do". So while I wanted a lesser age difference between the kids, there is no way I was mentally ready any earlier. I just hope the kids bond like us and better(if that is a possibility) and are there for each other FOREVER.

My ideal family pic would have a huge couch with newspapers and pillows thrown all over it where the hubby is reading one and me an another or having an argument sorry discussion over whatever is the current hot topic, with our huge mugs of tea and some music playing in the background. The room would overlook our balcony from where the sunlight would pour into our room. The balcony would ofcourse have a small garden with the vibrant colors of green, yellow, red, white, pink and purple thrown in good proportion and the 2 kids on the carpet right in front of the couch doing their own stuff, even if it means one over the other. Ofcourse a 'Ramu kaka' must be toiling in the kitchen managing the next meal :). Dreams uh!!!

Now that I am 22 weeks, well into my sixth month I so want to tell people, EVERY RANDOM PERSON I meet that I am carrying. So my reply to "You have grown so dark" or "You look so tired" or "You have lost so much weight" or "Haven't seen the peapod in a while" or "Aren't you appearing for the exams in Dec" or "What about your year end appraisals" and even for stuff like "When do we have the prayer meeting at your place" or "How many kids do you have" or "Is she your daughter?" or "We do not see enough of you" and sometimes even for a "Are you coming over", "Are you ready", "can I have something nice to eat, today?", "Where is my Shirt?" is all met with the same answer - "I am Pregnant" :). And post that I am hoping you will drop all that you were saying and just pamper me with "oohs and aahs and wows". Did I just hear you say how naive & self-centered. I so agree.

Mom is off to Manali next week with my sisters. None of us have ever been to the north and I was so looking forward to a holiday in the north.The hubby just didn't want to take any risks with the H1N1 virus around and the six month preggy wife. I am so mad that I have imposed a ban on the "travel & living" channel, which he is so fond of, in our household untill we travel and live next.


Anonymous said...

Ahh there you are Ms Attention Seeker!! :-) I too badly want not just twins but twin girls!! :-)

Good luck with everything and I hope you get your wish for another girl in the family!! I too am besotted with little girls - they are the adorablest!! :-)

PRACHEE said...

hey sunita !
congratulations :).. Dont worry about the age gap, me n my-5-yr-younger-bro bond just like cats n dogs :P
At times, i dont know what i wud do without him.. had it been a sister, well well,, i guess there would have been more dress shopping sprees :P but otherwise, the bond wud hav been just the same !
Girl or a boy, ther's still some more time before i can comment on this one ! Till then, i'll pray u hav a healthy baby ! :)

Poppins said...

Lovely post Sunita, can totally feel your excitement! :) Was going to predict the gender here, but will refrain given how sensitive preggers are to this topic ;)

What is the peapod's reaction?

Anonymous said...

Came over from Poppin's blog. Congrats!

I love having 2 girls. It so much fun now that they are older and we can do girly stuff together(painting nails, making jewelery.) But you know what, whatever you have, the minte you lay your first gaze at him/her, you would feel so much love that it doesnt even matter what you wanted.

mummyjaan said...

How's it going, Sunita? You're more than halfway there! Hope the remaining few months are good for you. Have a healthy happy baby!

Cantaloupes.Amma (CA) said...

Congratulations Sunita !
Came over from poppy's

I hope you have a safe pregnancy and wishing the very best to you and family !

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crabbymommy said...

First of all, congratulations. Just read your blog after a long time and got to know about your pregnancy. And you know what? It was like reading my own mind - I could not agree more about having daughters bit. When I was pregnant I wished for two girls, and again, it did not matter that my first was a daughter. In fact, it was one of the reasons I wanted two more - loved the idea of three girls growing up together.

And I am thrilled, since I got what I wanted (here, I must add, that, like you, I had thought that I'd love sons as much, once they are born they are yours so it does not matter). But it's funny the number of people who are commiserating with me for having had two more girls! Even if they don't say so, they have this "Oh, you poor thing" look. It does not make me mad, in fact it amuses me. And I find little need to add "but I really wanted daughters" - they'd just go "right"

Anyway, thanks for stopping by at my blog, now that I am back in the blog sphere, hopefully we'll interact more..

Nagesh.MVS said...

i like u sunita.

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Pushpa said...

gal...hope u r doing good...and I used to think likewise about adoption about the 2nd baby...but my world turned upside down with arrival of lil Mummu...amazing post

Pregnancy period said...

Wonderful experiences. I wish a very long life to your child!


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