Friday, September 18, 2009

Child custody - who decides?

Ever since I saw this news flashed all over punetimes the last 2 days, its stayed on. The story is simple and is a common one as well with umpteen dozen divorces where kids are involved.

I do not wish to take a stand here for either of the parents and nor am I trying to be judgemental either but have a couple of thoughts brimming in my head.

If 2 sane sensible adults (lets forget all other kind of couples) in a marriage decide to part ways since their wavelengths do not match(forget all other reasons as well) and also for the sake of argument lets say both parents can give the child a secure & comfortable life, who is the best person or people to decide the custody of the child or children?

It is a tough decision to make for either parent. While being a mother I am really tempted to say a mother is more attached, but emotions for your child can not be brought out and measured on a balance scale, maternal v/s paternal. When 2 kids are involved how do you decide to split them even? Which of the parents want to make that choice, son with you, daughter with me? One of the parent must let go or both need to work at getting the marriage to work. Individual's happiness is important but both parents have a far greater responsibility towards the kids. A happy childhood is their right and they deserve it with both or one parent. Also, I think its cruel to split kids, even if there are 3 kids. Putting your child through the trauma of having to answer questions like "Mummy or Dadda" or having a third person, the legal system question the child or exposing them to the world when they are the most vulnerable is very cruel. For the love of your child or kids, parents need to settle that between themselves. If parents can not agree between themselves, one of the parent will still be miserable after the judiciary makes its choice. A divorce should help you live peacefully, happily and let the other person live their life as well. If one continues the custody battle long after the marriage is over, the whole purpose of a divorce probably is lost.

Having to steal/kidnap one's own child, getting to a situation where one needs to hide the child and self is definitely not the way to salvation but muckier waters. A divorce is bad enough, don't make it uglier by pushing the child or children in the forefront by making them your shield to fight your spouse.

4 comments:

Cantaloupes.Amma (CA) said...

I completely agree that a child should be kept out of the divorce procedures ... if both a parents are sane/ sensible and have the best interest of child in mind, they either have to work towards improving their marriage and mutually agree to give the kids to one of the parent. (if separation is inevitable)

Sumana said...

Ya such a complex situation in life, where we cannot generalise life's situation to arrive at conclusions. Even tougher for the kid. The kids require both mom and dad to make them a complete individual.

hitesh rawat said...

i'm against divorces....and now its kind of "in" in India.....

mumbhai high court saying husband's coming late in nite is mental torture.....these kind of decision will promote or atleast make divorces easy.

We should learn smthing from China, they have decreased their divorce rate by .......17% this year from last year.

nice post...\,,,/

Nagesh.MVS said...

Completely Agree.
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