In an another 3 weeks or maybe matter of days, things around us are going to change forever. You ask me a dozen times a day when is the baby coming and I can see you are way too restless & impatient just doing nothing but waiting for your little baby sister or brother to arrive. You can not believe its December already. And you do not understand if it is the said BIG month "December" then why is the baby still not here. You are tired of "sleeping and getting up" to find out this is still not the day. There is nothing Mumma can do, and if the little one is anything like you, then we have another 20 days before the D-day. While you are waiting for the big moment, I am sure you do not realize how much everything is going to change. FOREVER. I am also not sure after the initial euphoria if you are going to like it or not. I have seen you hanging around baby Neil, loving him, hugging him, kissing him, playing with him, watching him, pulling him, trying to fit your fingers into his curled up palm, in short being so smitten by him that you hate it when he isn't around with his coos and gagagas. But you know, unlike how he comes and goes and then you wait for him to come again, this baby of ours is not going anywhere anytime soon and is going to be a part of "US".
Currently I am not even sure how I feel about the little one. But the last 31/2 years of my life with you has been a blessing like none other. You will not remain my only child but you will always remain my oldest. You will be the one who showed me a different facet of myself. You turned my inner self upside down. Anger, possessiveness, love, warmth, protectiveness all come in quick succession when its about you. I didn't know I was capable of such strong emotions. I believe you are just the miracle God sent along to tell me he loves me. I love watching you. Can watch you for hours and would then find tears trickling down my cheeks. I was a very sensitive person even before you came along. I cry when I watch movies even if I am watching it for the 100th time. But after you came along, you have just made me a water-shed. I cried at your first vaccination, the day you were down with fever, the day you cried when I left for work, the day you DID NOT cry when I left for work, when I watch you sleep so peacefully, sometimes when your little hands reach out to hug me, sometimes when you call me a "kutypie" and lick me, the day I dropped you at playschool and you walked off, the day the teachers told me you were a happy and well-behaved child, the day you went on stage and did nothing but just stood and looked around, the day you went up to the altar absolutely clueless to offer thanksgiving with the other 100 kids, the day you actually did your action song in church, the day I see you totally happy, the day I see you cry because I am crying and this goes on. Yeah I am a totally weepy-moppy mom right now. Hopefully I will be better behaved when the next one arrives. Hopefully I will know to pick the battles that really matter, hopefully I will be better adjusted to this motherhood business, hopefully I will be more emotionally strong and wiser. You made me want this other baby so badly, for us. I wanted you to have a sibling so that if we rock as a family, more the merrier and even if we mess it up, you have each other to crib and stand up.
Whatever follows in the days to come, whether you take it in your stride or not, you will always be my oldest child and always always be very special to me. And because I already have you and I know we'll rock togather I really do not need to pine so much about having a daughter or a son this time. Just come out healthy and plump just like a Christmas plum cake :).
Words just aren't enough to tell you how much I love you and I hope you will know it in your heart always.