Sunday, March 11, 2007

The Other Extreme

Inspired by Anjali's post, here is a story to tell you the other extreme,

A neighbor of mine got married couple of months back. He is a simple nice guy. The bride was a pretty girl. She had to resign her job she had in her city and move in with this guy. The guy lives with his parents but the parents were planning to stay separately after 6 months. After 2 months of their marriage, and after traveling to-fro on weekends, she finally came down to join the family. She started her job hunt. I met her couple of times. She almost looked like a college-goer to me. When I say college goer, I mean that kind of enthusiasm, that kind of language and subjects. In 2 weeks time she went back home. A few days latter we heard, the neighbors were arrested by the local police for women harassment & for demanding dowry. From what I hear, the neighbors (excluding the guy) had an altercation with the bride and she packed off. The parents came in and they had a spat, they came in with a recorder, recorded everything the guys parents said, and that was presented as proof. Smart you might say. Sleazy is what I thought it was.

.My problem with this whole issue is, the way this was handled by the girls' parents. I can only guess what would have happened. My neighbors aren't particularly very great with their  communication skills. The parents would have taunted about dowry or about what did her father pack her off with. She met it head along. A hot tempered father heard his daughters woes and just came in to teach them a lesson.The case is in family court and if proved is 5 yrs of imprisonment. We haven't met the neighbors eye to eye after that.

Every married girl has faced taut comments from in-laws about herself, her worth or her family, some directly, some indirectly. Every girl deals with it. Some spat back, some ignore it & some  might brood over it in private or bitch to friends about it but surely put it past you to put your life in perspective. Whatever be the deal, you are looking forward to a life with the man you chose to marry for whatever reasons. If a girl & her family were to retort to such ways of getting back, its going to prove disastrous. This kind of a treatment is surely not deserved.

Too little or too much tolerance, both can prove dangerous.

What do you think?

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Arz000n said...

I think what this gal or her family did was right. and even more better would be that her husband could somehow support her, but am not sure if he is involved in it too or not.

I have seen/read/heard about dowry problems and I think its sad that in this era it still exists in India.

Sunita said...

@arz000n: I just have a feeling, if we take feminism to an extent of non-tolerance, we might not have many marriages running long.

Risha said...

I agree to zoonie, I think it all depends on what sought of treatment is given to the daughter in law...ofcourse a little this and that happens in every house, and I blv all gals understand that, but if it becomes too much to take and the in-laws dont respect their daughter in law at all then what is the point. just for money nobody should accept any torture.

Sunita said...

@risha: The reason why I named this post as the other extreme is to show how very little tolerance is a spoil sport in lives just like too much tolerance as in the case explained by Anjali. Even to apply for a divorce, I think the family court will want the couples to have lived togather for atleast 3 months. 2 weeks is very little time to experiment solutions. We need rational peaceful talks to fuse the problem, not provoking the already irate person to get the worst out of him and then go recording it.

itchingtowrite said...

either party shud give a chance to the other
on the in laws part, they hav no right to taunt on the girl's dad's financial status or the lack of dowry. on the girls side, she needs to 1st talk it out/ then confront and then get to the extreme. the guy shud support without hurting the parents. the problem is, we lack polish.

Usha said...

It does seem like it was all decided too quickly and ina fit of hot temper.
But the boy's parents should know that they have no right to comment on the girl's family or what nge she brings as dowry. After all she brought herself into a totally new family didnt she? She even had to change her job!
But ya, the couple should have been allowed to give each other some more time, may be live separately to get to understand each other and work things out rather than break it up so easily. very often these days.
Very sad, but I see this happening

Sunita said...

@itchingtowrite: Yes, acting on an impulse & to continue without proper reasoning is just taking the commitment too lightly.
@usha: Yes, parents need to be more sensitive & caring. If this was a love marriage, against the wishes of the parents, I am sure the girl would have found alternatives to make it work.

Sunita said...

Anony: Yes it is a crime. I am not justifying that. She could have chosen many ways to bring an end to the argument. I feel its an extreme step taken without enough thought about her own life and without giving it enough time as well. So now they are going through a divorce. What is the guarntee that the family of the next guy she chooses to marry, is gonna be a smooth ride. Your ultimate goal is living with the guy you have chosen to marry. And it takes time for relationships to settle, 2 weeks is so not enough. Unless you have decided you cannot live with the guy, on an impulse to go to court because in-laws said something is not viable in my opinion. There wouldn't have been many successful marriages if tolerance level was zero.
If you find your brother/sister smoking pot, would you report it or would you taken measures to curb it?? It is a crime but that is not the way to betterment.