A Year back when the stork arrived ....

I switched to my new company when I was 3 months pregnant. Initially I didn't quite get anything to do, I didn't totally feel like getting to know people and for quite a while I felt no one in the team liked me. Latter someone told me, they thought I was a selfish snob because I was opening small packets and boxes and eating all the time and never bothered to offer :) also they weren't quite sure if I was fat or should they annoy me by asking if I was carrying. You will find couple of my pregnancy posts in my archives during that period, Oct 2005 onwards

Anyway, the initial due date was 23rd March. After the 8th month or so, my Gynec corrected it to the 29th. I looked forward to my visit to the Gynec, since I could hear the heartbeats and at the same time dreaded it because I wasn't gaining much weight but my tummy was growing in size. I started my leave a week before my delivery date. Many people guessed it would be a boy and so as per each's own thesis I was suppose to deliver a week or 2 before my set delivery date. Nothing happened. One of my younger sister was also carrying was in her 7th month. She was home, the other sister had abandoned her job hunt and was stay put at home for 2 weeks before my delivery. We all were loosing patience. If I just lie down or as much as hold my tummy or make a weird expression they would ask me, hopefully, any pains??. Monday morning, the 27th, I had a spat with mom over some routine stuff. I just walked to my room and lay there not in a mood to talk to anyone. I shooed away my sisters who came to chat. The 2 brats kept peeping & asking every 15 mins ..any pains?? ...any pains?? ...I wanted to throw the pillows at them but then I was having one in-between my legs and other under my head.

In the evening, around 6:30, mom & my sis went off to buy groceries. I was home with my other sis who was carrying then. I was walking around the room and I realized I was leaking. While I was happy about some progress finally, I was dreading labour pains. I had already discussed with P that if the pains get unbearable, I want an epidural. We did our do-diligence and spoke to many people who did taken it. The feedback ranged between the worst and the best so it was our call.

Waiting for my mom to get back, I took a bath, pulled out the hospital bags and checked once again for everything required. Though I was tensed , I knew the stage could last 2 days(like my mom) even and so there was no need to panic. Called P, who was on his way home. Called my in-laws who live at stone's throw from my place. Everybody arrived around 8 and we left for the hospital. I walked to the stage-1 labor room. Through out the night the pains kept coming at irregular intervals. They were also monitoring my baby's movements. A couple of times they asked me to have ice since my baby was more interested in sleeping than in getting out. I was tired but couldn't sleep. Early morning around 4, they came back with ice again. "Your baby isn't moving, we guess its sleeping" ..."Like father, like child" I thought. Slowly I started getting my pains regularly and I was already tired. I hanged on as much as I could, but latter told my sister to ask P to sign the epidural form. Couple of hours latter, the form was signed amidst strong protest from moms, some not knowing what is epidural, and threat smses from the stage 1 labour room -"Sign it". P didn't have much choice and he was more worried about wifey and child more than moms with folk tales about "children should be borne with pain" etc. He signed it, he confirmed "no side effects" with the concerned doctor and sent me a sms ..dont worry-signed. Men weren't allowed in the labour room, mom didn't want to stay by my side, mom-in-law tried to keep me entertained with many birth stories but she couldn't take it either and then it was my sister who had to stay by me and see me in pain and check on doctors again and again and again. She even screamed at an intern who seemed least moved by all the happenings. There was an another to-be-mother in my room too. She came in after me. Her sister and my sister were exchanging notes on the progress of their respective sisters and sharing their own grief about having to stick around because the mothers couldn't handle it. Early morning I & the other lady were going in turns wincing in pain. Bearing and screaming in pain hurts but hearing someone scream in pain hurts even more.

At around 7-7:30 I wanted to go to the restroom but they wouldn't let me move. The Epidural doctor came in and gave me the epidural on my spine. It was one embarrassing moment. Till then I was being handled by a all-women staff, doctors, nurses, interns, sweepers all, suddenly an old bald guy comes in to see you in that state of misery and also wants you to bare the spine. I knew there wasn't much I could do. Shut all the shame and embarrassment up and co-operated with the doctor. In an another 10-15 mins I was super cool, smiling and talking to the girl next bed. Since she hadn't dilated even 3 cms, she wasn't allowed to take the epidural. At 10:30 the pains re-surfaced and this time it was really bad. My sister ran around me crying. I was given a second round of epidural and checked for dilation. Suddenly, the doctor who was examining me, exclaimed, the baby's head is there, and screamt for the stretcher. As I was being being shifted to the stretcher, I heard them asking my sister to leave. I was moved to the delivery room. Moved to a bed with the head rest held high. covered my legs with a sheet which was positioned for action. I felt no pain. nothing absolutely. There were atleast 6-7 people around me. My Gynec was orchestrating the whole thing at arms length distance. One lady had both her hands on tummy, and was pressing it hard as directed by my Gynec. 2 Pushes and she was out. I saw them holding her legs and moving her to the next room. I did not have a chance to see her face then. After this I don't remember much. I don't remember her crying, I don't remember how long I lay in that room. I remember a nurse brought and showed her to me, but I forgot to ask boy or girl. She was sleeping then too. I remember asking the nurse if the child was a girl or boy and she brought her back to me, I kissed her and maybe shed a tear wishing if only dad could have seen her. Like many said, I didn't feel an instant bonding to the neat bundle that was sleeping all the time and it the next few days was always scared that I might not be able to recognize her if lost or misplaced. I couldn't close my eyes and recollect her face. I was in love with her when she was in, when she moved around inside, when she gave me high fives by moving her bum or head or whatever, whenever I heard her heart beat but any mother-like feelings worked-up only in a couple of days.