I hear crackers bursting and I am wondering if they are gun shots or grenades now. Its just a marriage in the viccinity but its scary. I am having coffee in the office and we hear some huge noises, and we all look into each others eyes. There is fear everywhere in everyone. I have not known this fear inspite of being in bombay during the 1993 blasts, nor during or after the 2003 riots. The godhra carnage while was terrifying and the mumbai train blasts so close, it still did not grip the heart in fear. Maybe at 33 I am getting old. Maybe this is the threshold when you stop being so resilient and start feeling the heat of how close and worse it can get.
We were asked to vacant the office premises on a security alert towards the end of the day. It rained heavily in Pune yesterday and I was drenched on my way home. The thunder and lightning for once was frightening. At home after dinner I sang a hymn and a rhyme alternatively to put my 21/2 year to sleep. She sprawled on the bed and kept gazing at the dark sky listening to me sing and fell asleep. I kept looking at her sweet face long after she was asleep with tears streaming down my eyes. I feel sorry for getting her into this mess of a world. I feel I have failed terribly & I can not ensure her anything other than my love and my strength.