"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
"We will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
These 2 proverbs probably echoed my thoughts as a Teenager. In school, college, home, church probably till my early twenties. If I had an opinion I had to say it. Debates & elocutions were my favourites. Every issue was taken so personally & I was
adamant at making sure the other person understood and I also lost a debate bcoz I kept repeating myself and stressing the same points, all bcoz I thought no one understood or agreed to my point of view (should have concentrated on the award).
Then I heard these & Observing people react grew on
"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much."
"No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut."
And then I still had an opinion but would have my take on mouthing it or not. Even now it matters if the other person understands but then I concentrate & try more on saying as little as possible while conveying the message.The advantage of saying the least is there is very little space for others to mis-understand and mis-interpret.
Couple of scenarios
1) OK, I am discussing an issue, I take a stand on it just for the heck of it(old habbits die hard), the other person has a point and I agree(actually), I realize I am talking bull-shit and dont wanna drag it any longer, I just bcom silent & leave
it to the opposition to make whatever he/she wants of it. But thatz the same reaction when I am really mad and cant say any more but then I would want to trust the person's instincts to play the record thru latter with a cooler head.
2) In the same scenario above after an hour you could also say ...thatz exactly what even I am trying to say and make the opposition look like a complete ass. Thatz again when I go silent and stare wishing I could tie that person's hands and legs to a pole and practise some boxing shots.
3) Next, OK, I just heard something and I totally didnt like the idea but have to play along for whatever reasons and I react, infact I over-react and my voice is rising and I hear a inner-voice "SHUT UP ....... You are over-reacting". And then
I just shut up & get back to a good mood but then I have managed to switch off the other person completely and the person has no clue of my angel called "inner-voice" and calls me a devil & a hypocrite. Maybe should work your way out of the argument and admit upfront then maybe you wouldnt be accused of being a hypocrite
4) I am arguing but inspite of having a valid point the other person's authoratative, repeative arguments at a decibel piercing into my ears and I have no mood to match that bcoz it would almost resemble one of thoes scenes in mahabharat during the war where 2 soilders raise their bow & arrow and keep yapping mantras for an entire episode with stupid 5 advs in between and then shoot only to meet in mid air with some sparkles and disappear with the title song. what a dissappointment!!!
5) Someone is mad at you & you just remain silent for the entire sermon, give no reaction but act dumb and deaf. Helps save a lot of energy and you can meanwhile keep collecting all the ammunition that were hurled your way. Hurl it back latter
periodically.This would have the max effect & satisfaction. You said this and I kept quiet and You said this which means "and your own bullshit interpretation". And surely since it was a sermon, you have lots to mis-understand and twist and turn and
with couple of such twisted statements you can turn the machine Gun and start shooting the long list of what you wantedly mis-understood. This will surely leave the other person spell-bound for sometime bcoz he/she is just trying hard to recollect and wanting to kill themselves for giving you so much ammunition. I have been the victim to many such and learnt my own lessons the hard way.
These are just observations of mine. Use it and know when its being used.
I am a sentimental peace loving person :-).