We went for the PTM this week. The only thing the teacher had to say about the peapod was that she is a shy child. She does not befriend very easily.
A couple of weeks back, as we, me and the kids, lay in bed with the lights switched off we got talking generally. She talked about her teacher and her friends and then she started talking about how her friends don't let her play with them. So she generally sits in class and plays with clay. I ask her about x and y and then z. These are names I hear very often. She tells me that they play with other kids and not with her. I told her maybe you should join them. She tells me I asked them "Can I play with you" and they said "No". Don't ask what that confession does to me. She is a 1-2 friend kind of a girl and engages only where she has been met half way atleast. I haven't yet seen her play in a group, not that there are many opportunities for that either other than her school. We live in a small building complex and there aren't many kids around. Just the 2-3 kids and she is comfortable playing with them.
Now to be fair to the peapod, this could be a trait she has inherited from her father. P is not exactly shy but he isn't very social either. He can be quite charming if he decides to play the part but most times he chooses not to and does not like mindless chatter. He generally kills all my funnies I narrate from office with a look and a question,'So?'. To my mind that is the peapod's basic nature as well. But unlike her dad she does laugh at my funnies, thank God for small mercies. She evaluates too much and can not join a group and start playing. She rarely plays alone though she does write, colour and paint on her own. I remember one time we were visiting a family member and she was asked to sing or recite something and she just couldn't bring herself upto it. She didn't refuse or show discomfort or walk off confidently like many kids do who do not relish being the idea of instant entertainment to adults but she just clamped up. While her cousins her age did do stuff almost non-stop, we couldn't get a word out of her. we did not force her but we tried cajoling her to sing a song. That was probably a good 8-9 months back. Today she does sing or recite the Lord's prayer or recite a poem if she is in a mood in front of the family crowd atleast.
Her teacher told me every child in the class is asked to stand up, face the class and tell a story or re-tell a story they just heard or saw and the peapod never participates.
Two things that come to my mind are Language skills & Ability to respond to situations
We do not talk to the peapod in English everytime we talk to her and that is not saying we do not talk to her in English at all. The primary language around here is Malayalam and I and P also converse in Hindi and English and we switch between languages seamlessly like any other household without even realizing it. Untill she went to school, she had not spoken a whole sentence in Hindi or English and we hoped she will pick up in school. She has picked up both languages and converses in both languages, albeit broken sentences, but conveys the message. She is no match yet to kids who shoot off stuff like "She is not responding", "Don't threaten me" and "The teacher is vacationing in Kerala". She fumbles for the right word and that probably is because she thinks in Malayalam and speaks in Hindi or English. We used to do a lot of reading before Chattambi arrived on the scene. After Chattambi I just haven't been able to keep up with her books along with mine. I realize that is something I need to get back to - reading with the peapod. I guess once she is confident with her language, she might not hesitate as much.
About making friends and playing along, I wonder if we have confused her with our parenting. She is a stickler for rules though not at home but in public places. I remember her teacher last year once told me that if I tell a class full of kids to fold your hands and come back in 5 minutes, the peapod will be the only one with folded hands even if she is running around or going yakety yak but her hands will be folded. She doesn't get into fights but she is the one keeping the score. So she is usually telling the parents about who scratched first and what happened next and I want to just shut her up and pull away. But to her its important. Her reaction to any unkind word or bad behaviour is to withdraw and sulk. Yeah she is the sulking queen. Everytime she sulks I have some parent telling me she is a sensitive child. I don't believe that though. She is not overly sensitive but I think she is just at loss of how to respond.
While I don't want her to get into fights or return an unkind word for another, I would like her to stand her ground, assert herself and get going. Sometimes I wonder if I have confused her too much about how she should respond and is that why she sulks not knowing what is the right way to react while many other kids seem to settle their scores and move on. I do not know yet. But I am listening to her and keep telling her she needs to join kids on the playground and not sit alone in class and play with clay.
A couple of sites I referred to also talked about encouraging kids with various activities and help them excel in something. That builds confidence and in-turn helps overcoming shyness. Story telling is something I am working on with her. Being a set of working parents puts a lot of restrictions on "other" activities that need to be pursued before 7pm outside the building premises. I push myself to be able to take peapod to the few birthday parties she gets invited to. I am trying to get her to a skate class starting today so that she can learn a new skill and meet a few other kids as well. The skate class itself is going to require me to leave office an hour early, twice a week. This is the max we can afford at the moment.
I believe shyness is a painful characteristic to have. And shyness only grows with age and it might become something of a social phobia latter. The earlier we start addressing it, the better. I want her to, at some point in the (near)future be able to make new friends and not wait for them to reach out to her. I want her to join a group and move on at will. I want her to take centre stage confidently without having to fight her shyness everytime she even thought about it. I am not sure how long this might take but I am very committed to ensure she does not turn out a shy teenager.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2011
Friday, May 29, 2009
Diet & Parenting
The latest big issue in the peapod-dom, is her diet. Diet caught between 2 different parenting styles, mine & the hubby's.
Peapod, untill she was about 24-30 months was a totally non-fussy eater. She would eat anything we gave her, raw vegetables, diced fruits, rice, chappatis and her fish and chicken. I have never force-fed her ever till date. I don't like the concept of it because I do not have the energy or patience for it. I feed her only when she responds positively to "do you want something to eat?". Sometimes I might peel a cucumber or a carrot and hold it for her and she might pick it up and ask for more or sometimes just ignore it. I offer her food when I am having it or with a 4 hr gap. Its a set routine 8am - 12pm - 4pm - 8pm. If she doesn't have her food at noon, then I wouldn't ask her untill 4ish when its time for the evening snacks. If she skips breakfast(which again is not frequent) she might have something at 10ish. I just don't fuss too much around it. Its been pretty rare that she hasn't had 2 straight meals. I am also not very fond of weight-adding foods like butter or ghee or chicken or eggs. Butter with bread, eggs at breakfast, chicken for lunch or dinner, just like how we would have them. I do not deliberately add them to anything and everything just because I want her to put on weight. That is also because she has a fair diet around everything we have for meals. She is full of energy and is active all the time and that is all I care. I & P have a lot of differences around the peapod's diet. He wants me to add butter/ghee to her food. Make sure she has her chickens & eggs. I do not fuss simply because that is just how I am. I can not. I might do it for a day when I realize she hasn't had anything the entire day, then I might sit with the food threatening to smack her but it is just not my cup of tea to fuss over her all day all night all days. And I think my carefree or non-fussy attitude with feeding has also helped her understand when she is hungry and tell us when she is. And I have no hang-ups about "oh God she must be so hungry to ask" kinds. And she has her food in one go, matter of 15mins or less. Ever since she turned 3 she has begun to fuss over her food. I just took it easy. P worried endless. Her food intake had indeed taken a dive but I didn't see anything in her that would worry me. After the jellybean arrived last week, her food intake has got back to normal. And I realize her turning 3 was end of march when her school closed. She was pretty much out of physical activity at home untill the jellybean arrived last week, so that explains. Milk is the only thing I fuss around. Most days Mom handles that and so for days together I don't need to untill I am told for 2-3 consecutive days she has put up enough drama to avoid it. That is when I get up all in arms. The other reason is I know she is never going to ask me for milk and the answer to "do you want milk?" in a million years will still be "No", so I know there is no hope there. And the reason might be me again. I hate the sight and odour of milk. She seems to have lost weight and ofcourse people make long faces & comment "Dont you give her anything?". But the truth is she has grown tall and her weight is just age appropriate. She is a healthy child. I take pride in the fact that she doesn't fall sick frequently and seems to have a good immune system. No regular cold & coughs. I wouldn't fuss over a running nose if she is fine otherwise. Just make sure she has a handy handkerchief. The last time she was actually sick with a high temperature was in early Jan. Its been like 5 months. God bless, that is good for me.
This difference in our parenting style exists over everything. P is an (extra)careful and (extra)cautious parent while I am the "chalta hai" kinds. All my precautions are totally driven by my instincts for the day and have no fixed rules around anything. I am more about have fun while he is more about "take care". Of the many things I have read about parenting, maternal instincts they always say is often accurate. And nothing else has comforted me more than that one thought. If I am comfortable with the way my child is then I am doing it right. Inspite of all our arguments, 95 times of 100 he lets me have my way :) for which I am thankful to him. I have friends, moms, who parent like the P would like it. And we talk about it all the time and laugh over it with rolling eyes "God you sound just like my hubby".
I might sound like a loony mom who has totally lost it. That is what P thinks too. But I am telling you it works for me, to which he agrees reluctantly.
Peapod, untill she was about 24-30 months was a totally non-fussy eater. She would eat anything we gave her, raw vegetables, diced fruits, rice, chappatis and her fish and chicken. I have never force-fed her ever till date. I don't like the concept of it because I do not have the energy or patience for it. I feed her only when she responds positively to "do you want something to eat?". Sometimes I might peel a cucumber or a carrot and hold it for her and she might pick it up and ask for more or sometimes just ignore it. I offer her food when I am having it or with a 4 hr gap. Its a set routine 8am - 12pm - 4pm - 8pm. If she doesn't have her food at noon, then I wouldn't ask her untill 4ish when its time for the evening snacks. If she skips breakfast(which again is not frequent) she might have something at 10ish. I just don't fuss too much around it. Its been pretty rare that she hasn't had 2 straight meals. I am also not very fond of weight-adding foods like butter or ghee or chicken or eggs. Butter with bread, eggs at breakfast, chicken for lunch or dinner, just like how we would have them. I do not deliberately add them to anything and everything just because I want her to put on weight. That is also because she has a fair diet around everything we have for meals. She is full of energy and is active all the time and that is all I care. I & P have a lot of differences around the peapod's diet. He wants me to add butter/ghee to her food. Make sure she has her chickens & eggs. I do not fuss simply because that is just how I am. I can not. I might do it for a day when I realize she hasn't had anything the entire day, then I might sit with the food threatening to smack her but it is just not my cup of tea to fuss over her all day all night all days. And I think my carefree or non-fussy attitude with feeding has also helped her understand when she is hungry and tell us when she is. And I have no hang-ups about "oh God she must be so hungry to ask" kinds. And she has her food in one go, matter of 15mins or less. Ever since she turned 3 she has begun to fuss over her food. I just took it easy. P worried endless. Her food intake had indeed taken a dive but I didn't see anything in her that would worry me. After the jellybean arrived last week, her food intake has got back to normal. And I realize her turning 3 was end of march when her school closed. She was pretty much out of physical activity at home untill the jellybean arrived last week, so that explains. Milk is the only thing I fuss around. Most days Mom handles that and so for days together I don't need to untill I am told for 2-3 consecutive days she has put up enough drama to avoid it. That is when I get up all in arms. The other reason is I know she is never going to ask me for milk and the answer to "do you want milk?" in a million years will still be "No", so I know there is no hope there. And the reason might be me again. I hate the sight and odour of milk. She seems to have lost weight and ofcourse people make long faces & comment "Dont you give her anything?". But the truth is she has grown tall and her weight is just age appropriate. She is a healthy child. I take pride in the fact that she doesn't fall sick frequently and seems to have a good immune system. No regular cold & coughs. I wouldn't fuss over a running nose if she is fine otherwise. Just make sure she has a handy handkerchief. The last time she was actually sick with a high temperature was in early Jan. Its been like 5 months. God bless, that is good for me.
This difference in our parenting style exists over everything. P is an (extra)careful and (extra)cautious parent while I am the "chalta hai" kinds. All my precautions are totally driven by my instincts for the day and have no fixed rules around anything. I am more about have fun while he is more about "take care". Of the many things I have read about parenting, maternal instincts they always say is often accurate. And nothing else has comforted me more than that one thought. If I am comfortable with the way my child is then I am doing it right. Inspite of all our arguments, 95 times of 100 he lets me have my way :) for which I am thankful to him. I have friends, moms, who parent like the P would like it. And we talk about it all the time and laugh over it with rolling eyes "God you sound just like my hubby".
I might sound like a loony mom who has totally lost it. That is what P thinks too. But I am telling you it works for me, to which he agrees reluctantly.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Trouble with Hindi
The peapod can speak only Malayalam fluently and so it is a tad difficult for her to communicate with people other than family. She understands Hindi and English but she cannot form sentences. We had always thought she would pick up both the languages in school and it shouldn't be a problem. But we very much wanted her to learn/speak Malayalam well. She still manages with broken Hindi or English with Malayalam words to convey her message, like for eg, "Tu kidhar poguva"(Poguva=going), Mein Ammachy vetil chor khaya, (I will eat rice at Ammachy's place). Instead of correcting her we just laugh and kiss her for the cuteness of it all. It has never bothered us that she can not communicate in Hindi/English. Its OK if she isn't making friends by the dozen because she can not speak Hindi or English. She keeps running around, laughing, just generally playing and if she has to say something it will be her broken Hindi. We believe she will eventually pick up.
Over the weekend I happened to visit a friend of mine who has a 2.5 year old son. I had fun talking to him in Hindi. She is from Patna and her son speaks beautiful Hindi with the "aap" and "hum" added for good measure. I came back home to tell P we have to teach the peapod Hindi and ranted about how that would make her life easy outside home. I decided to start speaking in Hindi to her. It was already noon, and time for a siesta. As usual the peapod came over with a handful of story books. P reminded me of my resolve to teach her Hindi and so henceforth all story telling should happen in Hindi. I began the story of the Elephant and the birds and I could see P smirking. After a few minutes into the story I was fumbling for the right words and to complete the sentences as they should be. P laughed out loud at one such instance. "Your Hindi is atrocious", he said. "What nonsense", I replied. Given a chance to jump off the difficult Hindi story telling session, I immediately handed it over to him with a why dont you do it if you think you can do better attitude. As I listened to him narrate the story I realized, my Hindi is actually atrocious. I am incapable of speaking polite Hindi.
Its not like I am new to Hindi or sort but 8 years in Bombay has spoiled my Hindi forever (or maybe I should just blame the company I kept :) ). I think I spoke better hindi when we were in Gujarat. My Hindi has no "aap" or "hum". "Aap" is rendered only if you have grey hair and a walking stick. The sentence is never completed the way it should be with a "hai" or any such niceties, its all purely about communicating your ideas like "woh gaya or "tu ja raha hai kya" or "mein jake aati hoon" and the kinds. When talking to friends it probably doesn't matter but you can't teach your kid such atrocious Hindi. I have had trouble talking to people from Delhi or from the north basically where they address me as "aap" and themselves as "hum" and I just don't know how should I politely get to the crux of the matter or should I just ask "tujhe aana hai kya?". I have had delhities stare at me with their mouth wide open and probably thinking "How ill-mannered can one be". I try my level best not to speak Hindi to the "hum and aap" kinds knowing I can never speak that polite language. It can last only untill "Namaste, aap kaise ho" and after that it is holy shit in the name of Hindi.
So I shall just let the "teach Hindi" movement rest for now untill we have better people who can give the language its due respect.
Over the weekend I happened to visit a friend of mine who has a 2.5 year old son. I had fun talking to him in Hindi. She is from Patna and her son speaks beautiful Hindi with the "aap" and "hum" added for good measure. I came back home to tell P we have to teach the peapod Hindi and ranted about how that would make her life easy outside home. I decided to start speaking in Hindi to her. It was already noon, and time for a siesta. As usual the peapod came over with a handful of story books. P reminded me of my resolve to teach her Hindi and so henceforth all story telling should happen in Hindi. I began the story of the Elephant and the birds and I could see P smirking. After a few minutes into the story I was fumbling for the right words and to complete the sentences as they should be. P laughed out loud at one such instance. "Your Hindi is atrocious", he said. "What nonsense", I replied. Given a chance to jump off the difficult Hindi story telling session, I immediately handed it over to him with a why dont you do it if you think you can do better attitude. As I listened to him narrate the story I realized, my Hindi is actually atrocious. I am incapable of speaking polite Hindi.
Its not like I am new to Hindi or sort but 8 years in Bombay has spoiled my Hindi forever (or maybe I should just blame the company I kept :) ). I think I spoke better hindi when we were in Gujarat. My Hindi has no "aap" or "hum". "Aap" is rendered only if you have grey hair and a walking stick. The sentence is never completed the way it should be with a "hai" or any such niceties, its all purely about communicating your ideas like "woh gaya or "tu ja raha hai kya" or "mein jake aati hoon" and the kinds. When talking to friends it probably doesn't matter but you can't teach your kid such atrocious Hindi. I have had trouble talking to people from Delhi or from the north basically where they address me as "aap" and themselves as "hum" and I just don't know how should I politely get to the crux of the matter or should I just ask "tujhe aana hai kya?". I have had delhities stare at me with their mouth wide open and probably thinking "How ill-mannered can one be". I try my level best not to speak Hindi to the "hum and aap" kinds knowing I can never speak that polite language. It can last only untill "Namaste, aap kaise ho" and after that it is holy shit in the name of Hindi.
So I shall just let the "teach Hindi" movement rest for now untill we have better people who can give the language its due respect.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
The Price for Parenting
Yesterday, this guy from my team told me his father-in-law had an accident in Bombay and he had to leave immediately. His wife left immediately, while he left after about an hour, after he handed over his work to an another team member. While he was at it he got news that his FIL had actually fallen off the train. He was really tensed.
Now, this guy and his wife were friends from junior college. He used to visit her parents and was in pretty good books, or so he thought. As soon as they announced their marriage plans, his parents agreed readily and hers did not. They opposed the relationship by not talking to her, threatening her and so on. Finally they got married with only his parents and her brother. The parents did not talk to her for a long time. She started talking to her mother, but her father was adamant. He does not want to see her and will not talk to her.
They are a very sweet couple. He worships the ground she walks on. He cooks dinner, when she is late from work. Her brother lives with them some days. He gets along very well with him. They as a couple love biking and I haven't heard an another couple go biking for 150kms. And they are constantly trying to reach out to her father in whatever ways they can. Last holidays, they planned to meet her father at her grandparents place. The grandparents had invited the parents but did not tell them about the daughter and son-in-law coming. Inspite of living under the same roof for 2-3days, the father refused to even look at her.
My colleague was back this morning. The guy seemed so sad. The FIL lost an arm. It seems he had fallen off a moving train. Someone had pushed and he lost his balance and fell on the tracks. He refused to see the daughter and the son-in-law in the hospital. They could just see him from outside. He is sad for his wife and whatever she is going through. She is not back yet. She is still at the hospital waiting to meet him just once.
I cannot help but feel, the price the father was asking for parenting was just too high. In the process he is refusing the warmth of a father daughter relation, specially in such a delicate situation and also refusing the daughter her peace of mind. As much as you think the child should be indebted to you for nurturing him/her, I feel parents are equally indebted to the kids for being born unto them and making them a family. Parents, at some point forget that the babies have grown into adults. You teach them to make decisions, and take that right away the moment they make the biggest decision of their life. You teach them to be happy and to choose happiness and when they do choose their happiness, you turn around because you are not happy.
I don't understand this price tag the parents put on for bearing them in the womb and raising them. Its really sad when you bargain the years of parenting for the child's happiness. Defeats the whole purpose.
A distant cousin of mine married a marwadi girl. Its been 14-15 years. He has 2 kids. They are a happy family. His father hasn't seen or met him for the last 15 years. He hasn't even looked at his grand kids. Not even the snaps they say. The whole family was against it, but everyone has come around. The mother meets him secretly at his sister's place or a cousin's place and it seems she never mentions him at home, since the father gets really hyper. 15 years, can you imagine? His argument was, this is not how I raised him, how dare he disobey. Such hard hearted parents.
You can not make decisions for your children all their life. I am talking about adults here. You may guide them, but they have the right to ignore or listen. Nobody is saying this is easy but you have to choose between what you think makes your child happy and what your child thinks makes him/her happy. And in the end, they might be wrong but they need your support to learn from it and move on with life and not your grudges and rudeness. You live your life and make them capable enough to make good decisions and then let them live their own life. You cannot live their life for them and enforce happiness upon them.
A general observation is, when parents are strict, the kids fall into the temptation trap for the forbidden. Whereas if the parents are easy going, the children are comfortable to wait and find Mr/Miss Right. So, educate, communicate and let the reins down.
Now, this guy and his wife were friends from junior college. He used to visit her parents and was in pretty good books, or so he thought. As soon as they announced their marriage plans, his parents agreed readily and hers did not. They opposed the relationship by not talking to her, threatening her and so on. Finally they got married with only his parents and her brother. The parents did not talk to her for a long time. She started talking to her mother, but her father was adamant. He does not want to see her and will not talk to her.
They are a very sweet couple. He worships the ground she walks on. He cooks dinner, when she is late from work. Her brother lives with them some days. He gets along very well with him. They as a couple love biking and I haven't heard an another couple go biking for 150kms. And they are constantly trying to reach out to her father in whatever ways they can. Last holidays, they planned to meet her father at her grandparents place. The grandparents had invited the parents but did not tell them about the daughter and son-in-law coming. Inspite of living under the same roof for 2-3days, the father refused to even look at her.
My colleague was back this morning. The guy seemed so sad. The FIL lost an arm. It seems he had fallen off a moving train. Someone had pushed and he lost his balance and fell on the tracks. He refused to see the daughter and the son-in-law in the hospital. They could just see him from outside. He is sad for his wife and whatever she is going through. She is not back yet. She is still at the hospital waiting to meet him just once.
I cannot help but feel, the price the father was asking for parenting was just too high. In the process he is refusing the warmth of a father daughter relation, specially in such a delicate situation and also refusing the daughter her peace of mind. As much as you think the child should be indebted to you for nurturing him/her, I feel parents are equally indebted to the kids for being born unto them and making them a family. Parents, at some point forget that the babies have grown into adults. You teach them to make decisions, and take that right away the moment they make the biggest decision of their life. You teach them to be happy and to choose happiness and when they do choose their happiness, you turn around because you are not happy.
I don't understand this price tag the parents put on for bearing them in the womb and raising them. Its really sad when you bargain the years of parenting for the child's happiness. Defeats the whole purpose.
A distant cousin of mine married a marwadi girl. Its been 14-15 years. He has 2 kids. They are a happy family. His father hasn't seen or met him for the last 15 years. He hasn't even looked at his grand kids. Not even the snaps they say. The whole family was against it, but everyone has come around. The mother meets him secretly at his sister's place or a cousin's place and it seems she never mentions him at home, since the father gets really hyper. 15 years, can you imagine? His argument was, this is not how I raised him, how dare he disobey. Such hard hearted parents.
You can not make decisions for your children all their life. I am talking about adults here. You may guide them, but they have the right to ignore or listen. Nobody is saying this is easy but you have to choose between what you think makes your child happy and what your child thinks makes him/her happy. And in the end, they might be wrong but they need your support to learn from it and move on with life and not your grudges and rudeness. You live your life and make them capable enough to make good decisions and then let them live their own life. You cannot live their life for them and enforce happiness upon them.
A general observation is, when parents are strict, the kids fall into the temptation trap for the forbidden. Whereas if the parents are easy going, the children are comfortable to wait and find Mr/Miss Right. So, educate, communicate and let the reins down.
Tuesday, April 08, 2008
Last Sunday's Sermon
For the last 50-60 years, marthomites(a sect of christians), have been offering mass at a Church which was built by the britishers in the 1800’s. We have been sharing the church and the premises with atleast 3 other congregation. Currently we are trying to build a church and ofcourse fund raising is our priest's biggest worry. So far it has already costed us almost 50-60 lakhs. We are running the last leg of collections and it is the most difficult task to peacefully force people to donate. This entire sermon was in the context of this church building exercise. I am just trying to reproduce the essence of the sermon below
He said, we are busy building houses for our kids. We are not happy with 1, we invest in 2 and some in 3. It is our investment for tomorrow. for our kids. It is to make sure whatever happens, I & my family are secure.
Please, do not be blinded by these notions. If you wish to invest for your children, invest your time. Invest your love. Invest in imbibing values. Invest in good times together. Invest in peace in your homes. Invest in blessings. Invest in teaching your kids to know God. Invest time in praying together. Only these will yield happy, stable-minded & god-fearing kids. None of the materialistic investments can ensure a happy child or a prosperous future.
Inspite of all your financial plannings don’t fool yourself to think you are secure. Man proposes, God disposes. A flood, an earthquake, a famine, a job loss, a life loss can change your state of security in a matter of no time.
It made so much sense to me. He kept reverberating with the words, Invest wisely my dear kids, invest wisely. Don’t invest in things that are volatile by nature. Invest in your loved ones. Invest in good relationships. Invest in prayers for your kids.
I couldn't agree more. Out of the religious context or the church building context it is still as relevant. We need to plan and invest and save for our future but not over do it. We generally over do it wanting to be doubly sure but forget life gives us no guarantees.
He said, we are busy building houses for our kids. We are not happy with 1, we invest in 2 and some in 3. It is our investment for tomorrow. for our kids. It is to make sure whatever happens, I & my family are secure.
Please, do not be blinded by these notions. If you wish to invest for your children, invest your time. Invest your love. Invest in imbibing values. Invest in good times together. Invest in peace in your homes. Invest in blessings. Invest in teaching your kids to know God. Invest time in praying together. Only these will yield happy, stable-minded & god-fearing kids. None of the materialistic investments can ensure a happy child or a prosperous future.
Inspite of all your financial plannings don’t fool yourself to think you are secure. Man proposes, God disposes. A flood, an earthquake, a famine, a job loss, a life loss can change your state of security in a matter of no time.
It made so much sense to me. He kept reverberating with the words, Invest wisely my dear kids, invest wisely. Don’t invest in things that are volatile by nature. Invest in your loved ones. Invest in good relationships. Invest in prayers for your kids.
I couldn't agree more. Out of the religious context or the church building context it is still as relevant. We need to plan and invest and save for our future but not over do it. We generally over do it wanting to be doubly sure but forget life gives us no guarantees.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
Where is the balance between work and home?
Like Poppin's mom and moppet's mom, this is just a rant and there is no point here again.
I am not sure since when I have been thinking of how well can I manage & balance my home and work equation. Probably from the time I conceived my little peapod I have been thinking what is the best thing to do.Every time somebody as much as sneezes about SAHM/WM thing I get all worked up and then I am wondering if I have my priorities set right or am I just going with the flow? Am I neglecting or am I missing out on peapod?
Work, I must. No questions about it. We don't have inheritance lying around us for a rainy day. I don't have anybody to lend me a hand(with paper mints) when I need. Infact I want to be there for them without having to stretch my hands in front of P for it. Between me & P we are just earning enough. I don't want to live a hand-to-mouth life. I want a good spacious place to stretch myself, to let the peapod play around, to run in and out of it. I want a good neighbourhood. I want to be able to indulge my peapod once in a while with something, maybe an interesting toy, even if it is a wee-bit expensive. I want a decent school for the peapod.I want to provide the peapod with good education. We would like to go on small vacations far and near with peapod . I want to be able to indulge myself and family without saving for months & years. I don't want to run begging for money when someone in the family is ill. 10 years down the line I want financial security. So there is not a question about me not working.
I left peapod home at 4 months when I started working. Initial weeks wasn't easy, it wasn't meant to be anyway. But as I said, SAH was never an option. When I started off my new term in office after the peapod, I had 2 options, stay around, get your annual increments, work 9-6 and things will be smooth. Soon good work came my way, I got involved and recognition came in too. After my appraisal last year which went very well for the 4 months I was associated with it but I wasn't offered anything more in terms of responsibilities. When I discussed this with my manager, he said he thought I was happy the way it was and assumed I wouldn't like to shoulder more responsibilities since it might mean hectic work schedule and some travel as well. I was confused after this discussion. Many rounds of discussion with P and I finally decided that since I am working, I might as well compete tooth and nail and take on more because that is the only way working is gonna be interesting. Negotiated my role and responsibilities keeping travelling at bay. If not, this would just have been some place where I warm the seat 9 to 6 and from where the money comes in. But if I am here 8-9 hours a day, might as well give it my best.
Now my current firm isn't very big on work-from-home options due to a lot of security issues. Worked fine for me but at the back of my mind I was preparing myself to join some place that gives me the flexibility to work from home. Again, I need to think over what I want and how involved I need to be and to groom myself for the profile I have in mind. While all this is brewing in my head, I have been taking a few conference calls from home. Usually 8pm, a time when I should be tending peapod, I should be cooking, cleaning etc etc. An hour long call wasn't easy. Peapod wasn't very happy about the fact that I was yapping away or tuned into somebody other than her. She wanted water,dudhu,app while I was trying to concentrate on what was going on. I got her water, a few biscuits, a few toys to keep her occupied. she wasn't satisfied and kept tugging at me and the cell and finally I handed her over to P and shut the door. She was mad and was howling and hitting the door real hard. Finally I went on mute, with the loud speaker on and had also locked my keypad. Got her in and obviously she wanted to play with the cell, which I let her trying to follow the discussion as closely as possible. 2 such calls in a week and I am not sure working from home is after all such a neat option. I cannot concentrate on work nor can I tend to her completely.
Working from home full time surely is not possible with a child, then might as well be at work, a different premise I mean and concentrate. Else be at home and tend to the peapod which obviously I don't have the luxury to and even if I had I am not sure how I would do without working myself up. So finally what we have is work part-time from home. The pay is down by half and the hours you might have to put in, I am not sure if 4 hours a day would be sufficient. Saturdays and Sundays, I do not have more than an hour or 2 to myself. I might as well stretch then than get on to my laptop (so that explains fewer posts inspite of the laptop). To manage 4 hours a day to concentrate and work I will need a maid, to clean, cook and to run after my peapod.Could be one or two with half the pay. So I doubt if work-from-home is a good option for people in my stream of work.
Currently, to me, for me, what seems like a good option is to go steady with my full time job for the next 5-6 years. Take a break, pursue an another profession which does not demand long hours, travel or such and gives me time to be around the peapod. What that profession should be, no clue yet. I can see a couple of options but not sure 5-6 years down the line if I will still have the same views. While at it, what about 'Take a break now', now that disturbs the synergy of various things like paying off loans, savings etc. If I was confident enough(which I am not) about resuming it some other time, say 2-3 years down the line, maybe I would have opted for a break now. So looks like so far I'm on course. I know this is the only way it works for me but yes I am constantly wondering if there is a better route...all because I don't want to miss peapod's growing years.
I am not sure since when I have been thinking of how well can I manage & balance my home and work equation. Probably from the time I conceived my little peapod I have been thinking what is the best thing to do.Every time somebody as much as sneezes about SAHM/WM thing I get all worked up and then I am wondering if I have my priorities set right or am I just going with the flow? Am I neglecting or am I missing out on peapod?
Work, I must. No questions about it. We don't have inheritance lying around us for a rainy day. I don't have anybody to lend me a hand(with paper mints) when I need. Infact I want to be there for them without having to stretch my hands in front of P for it. Between me & P we are just earning enough. I don't want to live a hand-to-mouth life. I want a good spacious place to stretch myself, to let the peapod play around, to run in and out of it. I want a good neighbourhood. I want to be able to indulge my peapod once in a while with something, maybe an interesting toy, even if it is a wee-bit expensive. I want a decent school for the peapod.I want to provide the peapod with good education. We would like to go on small vacations far and near with peapod . I want to be able to indulge myself and family without saving for months & years. I don't want to run begging for money when someone in the family is ill. 10 years down the line I want financial security. So there is not a question about me not working.
I left peapod home at 4 months when I started working. Initial weeks wasn't easy, it wasn't meant to be anyway. But as I said, SAH was never an option. When I started off my new term in office after the peapod, I had 2 options, stay around, get your annual increments, work 9-6 and things will be smooth. Soon good work came my way, I got involved and recognition came in too. After my appraisal last year which went very well for the 4 months I was associated with it but I wasn't offered anything more in terms of responsibilities. When I discussed this with my manager, he said he thought I was happy the way it was and assumed I wouldn't like to shoulder more responsibilities since it might mean hectic work schedule and some travel as well. I was confused after this discussion. Many rounds of discussion with P and I finally decided that since I am working, I might as well compete tooth and nail and take on more because that is the only way working is gonna be interesting. Negotiated my role and responsibilities keeping travelling at bay. If not, this would just have been some place where I warm the seat 9 to 6 and from where the money comes in. But if I am here 8-9 hours a day, might as well give it my best.
Now my current firm isn't very big on work-from-home options due to a lot of security issues. Worked fine for me but at the back of my mind I was preparing myself to join some place that gives me the flexibility to work from home. Again, I need to think over what I want and how involved I need to be and to groom myself for the profile I have in mind. While all this is brewing in my head, I have been taking a few conference calls from home. Usually 8pm, a time when I should be tending peapod, I should be cooking, cleaning etc etc. An hour long call wasn't easy. Peapod wasn't very happy about the fact that I was yapping away or tuned into somebody other than her. She wanted water,dudhu,app while I was trying to concentrate on what was going on. I got her water, a few biscuits, a few toys to keep her occupied. she wasn't satisfied and kept tugging at me and the cell and finally I handed her over to P and shut the door. She was mad and was howling and hitting the door real hard. Finally I went on mute, with the loud speaker on and had also locked my keypad. Got her in and obviously she wanted to play with the cell, which I let her trying to follow the discussion as closely as possible. 2 such calls in a week and I am not sure working from home is after all such a neat option. I cannot concentrate on work nor can I tend to her completely.
Working from home full time surely is not possible with a child, then might as well be at work, a different premise I mean and concentrate. Else be at home and tend to the peapod which obviously I don't have the luxury to and even if I had I am not sure how I would do without working myself up. So finally what we have is work part-time from home. The pay is down by half and the hours you might have to put in, I am not sure if 4 hours a day would be sufficient. Saturdays and Sundays, I do not have more than an hour or 2 to myself. I might as well stretch then than get on to my laptop (so that explains fewer posts inspite of the laptop). To manage 4 hours a day to concentrate and work I will need a maid, to clean, cook and to run after my peapod.Could be one or two with half the pay. So I doubt if work-from-home is a good option for people in my stream of work.
Currently, to me, for me, what seems like a good option is to go steady with my full time job for the next 5-6 years. Take a break, pursue an another profession which does not demand long hours, travel or such and gives me time to be around the peapod. What that profession should be, no clue yet. I can see a couple of options but not sure 5-6 years down the line if I will still have the same views. While at it, what about 'Take a break now', now that disturbs the synergy of various things like paying off loans, savings etc. If I was confident enough(which I am not) about resuming it some other time, say 2-3 years down the line, maybe I would have opted for a break now. So looks like so far I'm on course. I know this is the only way it works for me but yes I am constantly wondering if there is a better route...all because I don't want to miss peapod's growing years.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Just for Fun
Its fun to play with a child. Joyce rewards us with gigles and drools during a game. I and P used to play peekaboo with Joyce and she enjoys it endlessly but we used to get bored shouting "Kande Kande" meaning "Saw you". So we started the adult version of peekaboo, the hide & seek. We hide and make all kinds of noises to lead her to us. We enjoy it and she does when she finds us till then she is shouting "Mumma Mumma" to all and sundry.
We also play the Mumma elephant and little elephant when both of us are on all fours and I follow her around in the house. I dance to the nursery rhymes and when she laughs, I am not sure if she is laughing at the awkward kind of poses I am striking or if she is actually having fun.Who cares anyway.
P and Joyce wrestle on the bed and this was basically invented to keep her on the bed, away from the laptop while I am working but most times they are having a ball.
Between the 3 of us we can play some good football. OK, maybe it doesn't qualify to be called football, maybe the kick, lick, throw or roll the ball. I amuse myself by kicking it around the house because I have never played football in all my life.So I enjoy it as much as she does.
My mom loves all of Joyce's toys. She remains more amused at the dog who is doing a sumersault than Joyce. I have also seen her pull along Joyce's toys and Joyce is found following the toy around the house.
A couple of days back, I was in a meeting room for a conference call. The meeting room over looks 2-3 acres of land with a stable, 4 horses & 4 foals and a fence around almost an acre of land. It was drizzling and the 4 horses kept galloping around with their younger ones following them closely behind. The mother horse kept dodging with the foal running back and forth. They are animals but the bond the mother and the little one shared was obvious. I could see that they were having so much fun.
With one ready to laugh at the drop of a hat you feel like the world's greatest entertainer. With one ready to follow you, makes you feel like a world leader and with one ready to amuse you with every little new jig, you feel very privileged. Even if the 'one' is a tiny tod. And true for probably all living beings.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
What could I possibly be feeding her
Poppins recently wrote a very nice post on milestone envy. Here is my experience.
There is this family friend we visit once in a while. They have 2 kids, one a school goer and the second a good 4 months older than Joyce. Ever since Joyce was born, the mother & the grandmom have been proding me about what I feed her. For a good 4 months it was just milk and you would think, that was easy. No, but they would ask me,
"Did you give her water"
"No"
"Not even in this heat"
"No"
"When you run errands, what do you give her"
"nothing, I just plan accordingly"
"How about formula"
"sometimes"
"how many times"
and so on, an another visit in a months time, we have the same line of questions. A regular call and the same line of questions. I am questioned, my mil, my mom, P all are questioned in one way or the other and almost one after the other, probably in a different location in the same house. Solid food started and the number of questions rose exponentionally. Now this is how it goes
"So what do you give her"
"pretty much everything"
"what do you give her in the morning"
"whatever we are having for bfast"
"what do you have for breakfast"
sensing I have to go through this, "she has porridge followed by roti"
"what time does she get up"
"6:30"
"when do you leave"
"by 9"
"so within 2 and 1/2 hours she has both"
"YEAH"
"and then"
"then mom takes over"
"so next when does she have food"
"not sure maybe around 10"
"what do you give her at 10"
"anything"
"anything? do you give her fruits?"
............and then ofcourse "do you give fish/meat/milk/soya bean"
This is an excerpt from a real conversation. This was continued till dinner with every little detail she could extract. Other than the fact that this conversation is boring & tiresome, it is very disturbing to have to provide the minutest detail of my child's day at gun point even if its not the least bit harmful.
This is the same conversation I have with the mother everytime I meet her, be it at home, at a marriage, at a function, at church and at the end of it I don't want to be anywhere within 10km radius of where she is.
I am a first time mother and one would think I should be more curious to know what people feed their kids. I am very comfortable with the feeding business. I give her everything we have if it isn't very spicy. I offer her everything I feel she can have and having mom or mil around helps since it gives me the confidence that I am not messing around big time.
I can understand the curiosity of a first-time mom or a mom ready to start solids, I also enquire, but in a very complacent manner and I don't go enquiring at (what seems like) guns-point style. I discuss how-to-wean, how-to-potty-train etc etc but that is because I am not there yet. This sounds more like "Do you feed your child something that I havent noticed or I don't know". I am disappointed for her because I haven't discovered anything that grows only in our balcony on the planet to ensure her she is on track playing James Bond with me. P tells me its just something to talk about. Maybe. Maybe motherhood does that to people. I am sorry to complain but it is not very easy to handle the tons of questions I tell you. Maybe it is also because I am under tremendous pressure(which I hate) while answering her, waiting for her to tell me, oh but thatz not good at all (after all that 'I am comfortable' jazz) or that is so unhealthy(God forbid).
There is this family friend we visit once in a while. They have 2 kids, one a school goer and the second a good 4 months older than Joyce. Ever since Joyce was born, the mother & the grandmom have been proding me about what I feed her. For a good 4 months it was just milk and you would think, that was easy. No, but they would ask me,
"Did you give her water"
"No"
"Not even in this heat"
"No"
"When you run errands, what do you give her"
"nothing, I just plan accordingly"
"How about formula"
"sometimes"
"how many times"
and so on, an another visit in a months time, we have the same line of questions. A regular call and the same line of questions. I am questioned, my mil, my mom, P all are questioned in one way or the other and almost one after the other, probably in a different location in the same house. Solid food started and the number of questions rose exponentionally. Now this is how it goes
"So what do you give her"
"pretty much everything"
"what do you give her in the morning"
"whatever we are having for bfast"
"what do you have for breakfast"
sensing I have to go through this, "she has porridge followed by roti"
"what time does she get up"
"6:30"
"when do you leave"
"by 9"
"so within 2 and 1/2 hours she has both"
"YEAH"
"and then"
"then mom takes over"
"so next when does she have food"
"not sure maybe around 10"
"what do you give her at 10"
"anything"
"anything? do you give her fruits?"
............and then ofcourse "do you give fish/meat/milk/soya bean"
This is an excerpt from a real conversation. This was continued till dinner with every little detail she could extract. Other than the fact that this conversation is boring & tiresome, it is very disturbing to have to provide the minutest detail of my child's day at gun point even if its not the least bit harmful.
This is the same conversation I have with the mother everytime I meet her, be it at home, at a marriage, at a function, at church and at the end of it I don't want to be anywhere within 10km radius of where she is.
I am a first time mother and one would think I should be more curious to know what people feed their kids. I am very comfortable with the feeding business. I give her everything we have if it isn't very spicy. I offer her everything I feel she can have and having mom or mil around helps since it gives me the confidence that I am not messing around big time.
I can understand the curiosity of a first-time mom or a mom ready to start solids, I also enquire, but in a very complacent manner and I don't go enquiring at (what seems like) guns-point style. I discuss how-to-wean, how-to-potty-train etc etc but that is because I am not there yet. This sounds more like "Do you feed your child something that I havent noticed or I don't know". I am disappointed for her because I haven't discovered anything that grows only in our balcony on the planet to ensure her she is on track playing James Bond with me. P tells me its just something to talk about. Maybe. Maybe motherhood does that to people. I am sorry to complain but it is not very easy to handle the tons of questions I tell you. Maybe it is also because I am under tremendous pressure(which I hate) while answering her, waiting for her to tell me, oh but thatz not good at all (after all that 'I am comfortable' jazz) or that is so unhealthy(God forbid).
Saturday, June 09, 2007
Helplessly Selfish
By convenience, we make sure all in our world gets a piece of us and we of them. Every Sunday is dedicated to Joyce and her paternal grand parents. So every Sunday after church we go to P's place and spend the day there. Both her granny & grandpa fuss over her big time. I try and take a back seat while they decide what to feed, when to feed, if she needs a bath etc etc. She enjoys all the attention and kisses and ice creams ofcourse. Recently, I had things to do and couldn't afford to spend the entire day away so father and daughter say tata-bye and go off. I was perfectly ok. Made perfect sense. Grandparents need to see her every week and she deserves to be fussed and loved by her grandparents.
The problem started after they left. A weird feeling in my heart started unsettling me. Suddenly the heart seemed all heavy, I was overwhelmed and I couldn't even lie down. So after an hour or two, after I wrapped up jobs undone over the week, the lump in my heart just seemed to have grown bigger. I tried hard to keep it easy, it worked for a while and then it was the same again. I missed seeing her in the house. I missed her blabbering. I missed thoes little feet, I missed her presence. I missed her no end.
Since I was unusually quiet, mom was worried if I was feeling alright, or if I fought with P again. I told her I was ok. I tried to get some sleep and told myself should get up only when Joyce is back. What do you know, sleep evades this otherwise sleeping dame. The heart gets heavier and I was on the verge of crying. I thought I will worry mom unnecessarily if she sees me crying so I just moved into the drawing room and switched on the TV. I browsed channel after channel trying to settle on something that would take the focus off. I think I finally got something, but with the sound of any car arriving, I wonder if its them. Everytime I hear the lift, I wonder if its them. Everytime I hear someone outside, I wonder if its them at the door. I wanted her to scream blue murder for dear mumma and come home. God!! I know, plain crazy but it was absolutely out of my control. I just couldn't help feeling any other way.
The irony of this is, I leave her everyday and go to work and don't feel anything like this. I wave tata & throw her flying kisses from below while she waves at us from the window or the balcony. I get to work and am all engrossed. She is a constant thought at the back of my mind, I talk of her to people, I check my blog atleast twice and scroll through for a few snaps, just at random but none of these heart getting heavy business that too for the unemotional & practical me. This happened twice. The second time I thought I should be ok and brushed aside my ealier experience with a 'oh that was the first time' but the second was a re-play and I ended up crying too.
How selfish of me to want my daughter around when I am around at my convenience and feel all betrayed & small when she waves me tata-bye while I am awaiting her at home. I feel sooooo selfish & small and I just can't help it. I know there are many more such to come but I am not ready yet baby. Till then I will tag along eveywhere you go when I am home.
The problem started after they left. A weird feeling in my heart started unsettling me. Suddenly the heart seemed all heavy, I was overwhelmed and I couldn't even lie down. So after an hour or two, after I wrapped up jobs undone over the week, the lump in my heart just seemed to have grown bigger. I tried hard to keep it easy, it worked for a while and then it was the same again. I missed seeing her in the house. I missed her blabbering. I missed thoes little feet, I missed her presence. I missed her no end.
Since I was unusually quiet, mom was worried if I was feeling alright, or if I fought with P again. I told her I was ok. I tried to get some sleep and told myself should get up only when Joyce is back. What do you know, sleep evades this otherwise sleeping dame. The heart gets heavier and I was on the verge of crying. I thought I will worry mom unnecessarily if she sees me crying so I just moved into the drawing room and switched on the TV. I browsed channel after channel trying to settle on something that would take the focus off. I think I finally got something, but with the sound of any car arriving, I wonder if its them. Everytime I hear the lift, I wonder if its them. Everytime I hear someone outside, I wonder if its them at the door. I wanted her to scream blue murder for dear mumma and come home. God!! I know, plain crazy but it was absolutely out of my control. I just couldn't help feeling any other way.
The irony of this is, I leave her everyday and go to work and don't feel anything like this. I wave tata & throw her flying kisses from below while she waves at us from the window or the balcony. I get to work and am all engrossed. She is a constant thought at the back of my mind, I talk of her to people, I check my blog atleast twice and scroll through for a few snaps, just at random but none of these heart getting heavy business that too for the unemotional & practical me. This happened twice. The second time I thought I should be ok and brushed aside my ealier experience with a 'oh that was the first time' but the second was a re-play and I ended up crying too.
How selfish of me to want my daughter around when I am around at my convenience and feel all betrayed & small when she waves me tata-bye while I am awaiting her at home. I feel sooooo selfish & small and I just can't help it. I know there are many more such to come but I am not ready yet baby. Till then I will tag along eveywhere you go when I am home.
Friday, June 01, 2007
My Baldie
Joyce’s curly hair was a riot. It could be tamed only after a bath and couldn't even be attempted otherwise. Joyce was born with hardly any hair. In a year it grew in length & grew wild but not all around. The curls make it look thick but it isn't actually. The Grannies kept saying, shave it once, apply egg white and just wait and watch thick black hair growing back. We kept postponing the tonsure because it almost seemed like a crime to us. We couldn't visualize out little girlie bald. But we gave in to good advice against that unruly curly hair and patches of scant hair. I had enquired with moms in our area about the barber & his parlor.
We did not start off planning to go to the barber but when we were in that area, P and I just looked at each other and said, ok, lets just do it. It was a men's AC parlor. P sat in front of the mirror, Joyce, unaware happily hopped on to P's lap. The barber (or should I call him the stylist) came with the hair cutter machine and asked P to hold her head. As soon as the barber started shaving, Joyce started screaming and crying making us feel like dirt with every tear rolling down her cheek. She was throwing me, accusing looks while I was hovering around blabbering nonsense about how its ok and it will be over soon. P was worried if she was ever going to talk to him. She refused to look into the mirror even when I hugged and kissed her. She had her lips quivering every time I touched her head. She refused to look at P. Once in the car, she was quiet but very unhappy.
Since it was an unplanned event, when we got home, mom was all surprised and did the famous Sushmita-won-the-universe-crown pose and the tear floods opened wide open once again. In a days time, she was fine, I was fine and so was P. Phew!!!
Initially, she did not want to look at the mirror and even if we forced her, she would simply look away. In 2 days, she was pretty ok and I don't feel as bad as I thought I would about my baldie. Her soft spot is still visible.
So lets ask my baldie a few questions ..what say?
Mumma: Hi Joyce!!
J: Hi!!
Mumma: Where is you taklu??
J: Here
Mumma: Show us your taklu??
J: See
Mumma: Were you scared
J: Shit scared
Mumma: I am so sorry we had to force you darling
J: You dare not try again
Mumma: And what are you doing now?
J: Oh nothing and enough now, I have closed my eyes so that you don't see anything more.
Right!! Thank you anyway.
We did not start off planning to go to the barber but when we were in that area, P and I just looked at each other and said, ok, lets just do it. It was a men's AC parlor. P sat in front of the mirror, Joyce, unaware happily hopped on to P's lap. The barber (or should I call him the stylist) came with the hair cutter machine and asked P to hold her head. As soon as the barber started shaving, Joyce started screaming and crying making us feel like dirt with every tear rolling down her cheek. She was throwing me, accusing looks while I was hovering around blabbering nonsense about how its ok and it will be over soon. P was worried if she was ever going to talk to him. She refused to look into the mirror even when I hugged and kissed her. She had her lips quivering every time I touched her head. She refused to look at P. Once in the car, she was quiet but very unhappy.
Since it was an unplanned event, when we got home, mom was all surprised and did the famous Sushmita-won-the-universe-crown pose and the tear floods opened wide open once again. In a days time, she was fine, I was fine and so was P. Phew!!!
Initially, she did not want to look at the mirror and even if we forced her, she would simply look away. In 2 days, she was pretty ok and I don't feel as bad as I thought I would about my baldie. Her soft spot is still visible.
So lets ask my baldie a few questions ..what say?
Mumma: Hi Joyce!!
J: Hi!!
Mumma: Where is you taklu??
J: Here
Mumma: Show us your taklu??
J: See
Mumma: Were you scared
J: Shit scared
Mumma: I am so sorry we had to force you darling
J: You dare not try again
Mumma: And what are you doing now?
J: Oh nothing and enough now, I have closed my eyes so that you don't see anything more.
Right!! Thank you anyway.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
SAHM v/s Working Mothers - My Take
Jumping right into the SAHM(Stay At Home Mothers) v/s Working Mothers discussion. I am a working mother and my mom looks after my daughter. MM's post about SAHM and working Mother did get into quite an interesting discussion and made me re-think. Here is Rohini's take on it. Here is mine.
In my opinion, a Mother needs to be happy & content to raise happy kids. Whatever makes a mother happy should be done, be it stay-at-home or working. Never try either if you are not convinced.
To narrate my personal experience, I & P had taken 2 weeks leave for Christmas to be at home with Joyce. We did not plan to go out anywhere, just at home, her granny had gone visiting her daughter meanwhile. I went through the daily routines, cooking, cleaning, washing, folding & the 100 jobs that come along. After 2 days, I called my sister and told her it was so much fun. I baked cakes for my daughter's first Christmas, not 1 or 2, but 6 cakes in all. That tells you about my excitement. But after a week, I was bored. I was bored with the household chores. Cleaning, cooking, washing .. the never ending ordeal. It could have been the extra enthu of cooking 3-course meals too but I knew then, I couldn't be a stay-at-home mom. My Hats off to SAHMs. My work keeps me happy. I go home all eager to see my baby. The moment we ring the bell, we hear her bangles on the floor as she crawls towards the door, these days its the tinklets. It refreshes & re-energizes us to live the second part of the day. So far have managed with no commitments beyond 6.
From the time when she was 4 months, when I joined work uptill 7months(then it got cold in the mornings), I used to bathe her in the morning. Not to discipline her or sort but because it was very special ritual between me and my baby. I would massage her, sing to her, bathe her on my legs, wipe her dry, apply the moisturizer, the powder, she would smell like morning dew(actually Johnson's dew:) ) and then would feed her and put her to sleep. It was important to me. In all probably 45-50 mins. then in the next 15 mins I would rush thru my chores and leave. I love to see her sleep after her bath, all clean and happy.
Any amount of time that we spend with our baby, if we are happy, I think the baby is happy. That is quality time to me. When I & P start arguing, she would start crying. Its just the tone and the vibes probably, the moment we shift gears from normal chit-chats to arguing, she gets affected. The point I am trying to make is, our mood, our spirits affect the child more than anybody else's. So its us, who needs to be happy with the choices we make.
MM raised the point about Grandparents being done with their parenting, I completely agree. But I want to believe I am not taxing my mom with my daughter. The days I feel mom isn't well or my baby isn't, or if my mom needs to go out, I make sure I am there. I do not want my mom or in-laws to feel constrained because of my daughter. The truth is I did rather leave my daughter with them than in anyone else's care. I am willing to go that extra mile to accommodate their plans. My mother once told me, as grand parents its very easy to love & take care of your grand children because you see your child grow up once again but this time you have no responsibility and do not have to worry about savings, the job, studies or the future. Also I do not deny that I cannot totally get-away with parenting my style. I live with the ones I can handle and I try my best to explain and reason the ones I cannot totally handle.
And finally, I am very clear I am doing all this for my own happiness. I hope never in the future I will loose my reasoning to tell my daughter, oh I slogged away for you.
In my opinion, a Mother needs to be happy & content to raise happy kids. Whatever makes a mother happy should be done, be it stay-at-home or working. Never try either if you are not convinced.
To narrate my personal experience, I & P had taken 2 weeks leave for Christmas to be at home with Joyce. We did not plan to go out anywhere, just at home, her granny had gone visiting her daughter meanwhile. I went through the daily routines, cooking, cleaning, washing, folding & the 100 jobs that come along. After 2 days, I called my sister and told her it was so much fun. I baked cakes for my daughter's first Christmas, not 1 or 2, but 6 cakes in all. That tells you about my excitement. But after a week, I was bored. I was bored with the household chores. Cleaning, cooking, washing .. the never ending ordeal. It could have been the extra enthu of cooking 3-course meals too but I knew then, I couldn't be a stay-at-home mom. My Hats off to SAHMs. My work keeps me happy. I go home all eager to see my baby. The moment we ring the bell, we hear her bangles on the floor as she crawls towards the door, these days its the tinklets. It refreshes & re-energizes us to live the second part of the day. So far have managed with no commitments beyond 6.
From the time when she was 4 months, when I joined work uptill 7months(then it got cold in the mornings), I used to bathe her in the morning. Not to discipline her or sort but because it was very special ritual between me and my baby. I would massage her, sing to her, bathe her on my legs, wipe her dry, apply the moisturizer, the powder, she would smell like morning dew(actually Johnson's dew:) ) and then would feed her and put her to sleep. It was important to me. In all probably 45-50 mins. then in the next 15 mins I would rush thru my chores and leave. I love to see her sleep after her bath, all clean and happy.
Any amount of time that we spend with our baby, if we are happy, I think the baby is happy. That is quality time to me. When I & P start arguing, she would start crying. Its just the tone and the vibes probably, the moment we shift gears from normal chit-chats to arguing, she gets affected. The point I am trying to make is, our mood, our spirits affect the child more than anybody else's. So its us, who needs to be happy with the choices we make.
MM raised the point about Grandparents being done with their parenting, I completely agree. But I want to believe I am not taxing my mom with my daughter. The days I feel mom isn't well or my baby isn't, or if my mom needs to go out, I make sure I am there. I do not want my mom or in-laws to feel constrained because of my daughter. The truth is I did rather leave my daughter with them than in anyone else's care. I am willing to go that extra mile to accommodate their plans. My mother once told me, as grand parents its very easy to love & take care of your grand children because you see your child grow up once again but this time you have no responsibility and do not have to worry about savings, the job, studies or the future. Also I do not deny that I cannot totally get-away with parenting my style. I live with the ones I can handle and I try my best to explain and reason the ones I cannot totally handle.
And finally, I am very clear I am doing all this for my own happiness. I hope never in the future I will loose my reasoning to tell my daughter, oh I slogged away for you.
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