Peapod stuff & Week 33 updates

I was really cool, infact excited all this while about the changes coming up but since last week, thinking about it makes me very very nervous. I am all the time reciting Psalms 121 and sometimes I just can't even get past the first line. I am not so much worried about the delivery as much about everything that will precede it. My health, the baby, the peapod's admissions, managing the whole family circus, pulling this whole thing off without loosing my nerves. Since I am so used to being in control of things, being in bed with restricted mobility is like pulling my life plug. I know, I should just trust others in the household to takeover and step back. Maybe I will(like I have a choice) but cant help getting paranoid.

There is this whole lot of things that I did love to do considering it would be Christmas time when the baby arrives and I want it to be special for all of us. Ofcourse blame the nesting instinct that has kicked in as well. I am arranging & re-arranging the house in my head. Also, considering the fact that I will be home for atleast 4-6 months, I want a beautiful house to live in. So far its been just necessities and a tidy & warm place to return to at the end of a day. Both my sisters dropped in tons of baby stuff that were not used or hardly used and I sorted all that I wanted and put away a whole lot as well. The hospital bag is ready. The peapod knows that the baby will arrive in December and seems as excited as me. The father seems to be in deep thoughts all the time, so I don't know if the thoughtfulness comes from the excitement or he is gearing himself for the avalanche that is to follow.

The Jellybean went back to Baroda. I did not see the Peapod enough over the 3 weeks, the Jellybean was here. Every evening when I landed at mom's place to pick her up at 7-7:30, she wasn't willing to come. The moment she hears me ring the bell, she was already yelling even before the door opened to let me know she wasn't coming and I can go. At about 8-8:30 my sister used to drop her but she wouldn't come alone, she would force the Jellybean to come along or the jellybean would tag along on the pretext that she has to drop her at our doorstep, and once she is here, the peapod wouldn't let the jellybean go. My sister would then go back and then come back around 9:30ish to pick her up. Thank God we just live 2 blocks apart from my Mom's place. After the jellybean leaves, finally we have time for one super tantrum, a little throw and mess the house or cry for no specific reason or some insanely impossible stuff like she needs 10 llamas (blame me for the books I read her) ...RIGHT NOW . Finally we used to get to bed by 10:30-11ish. The 2 weren't even all lovey-dovey all the time but they just had to be togather every waking moment possible.

Some weird things the peapod does, she reads her books upside down and she writes right to left. Like if she has to draw an 'H' the right most straight line comes first then the left one and then the sleeping line goes from right to left. She even writes her 'F' like its mirror image at times. I think she gets this from watching us read/write by sitting across her. I think we have comfortably managed to mess it all up. Off late, she questions everything and it doesn't end with an honest answer to the said question, the answer only leads to an another question and then an another untill I put up my hands and surrender to her on my knees untill she proclaims Mumma does not know anything with tightly closed eyes with additional emphasis on "does not know anything".(Mamma(ky) onnumm ariyethilla). The other hit thing around is asking me when something would happen and in peapod's world, she has to know how many times she needs to sleep and wake up before its saturday or how many times she needs to sleep and wakeup before the Jellybean comes or for any other peapod look-forwards. There are days when she gets all excited and starts me on when the baby is coming. Can you imagine my distress as she goes,
pp: When will the baby come?
Me: December
pp: so if I sleep and wake up then what happens?
Me: you go to school
pp: and if I sleep and wake up again then what happens?
Me: you go to school
pp: and if I sleep and wake up again then what happens?
Me: we all have a holiday
pp: and if I sleep and wake up again then what happens?
Me: Then we go to church
pp: and if I sleep and wake up again then what happens?

after we have covered about 2 weeks, I just say and then the baby will come. She gushes all excited and gets back to her stuff. She knows her numbers, weekdays and months but none of that is of any practical use to me when it comes to peapod's self-devised counting methodology.

Week 33 is on. My lower back is aching. Sitting, standing and lying down are all equally uncomfortable and the worse is when moving from one state to an another. I feel embarassed waddling around in office like a penguin on ice, dragging my feet and my whole self around. An another 45-50 days to go. Uff .... Its not even like I am all set to go into labor today or even a week down the line but still.

Diwali Vacation - 2009

So the Diwali vacation has begun with a bang this year. The peapod's school closed for Diwali vacations starting this week and so did the jellybean's. So jellybean & sis arrived home on Saturday. The peapod & jellybean, 2 chatterboxes talking to each other makes an amusing sight. In an hour they had hugged, kissed, yapped, fought and made up as well. They danced the garba in the lovely ghaghra my sis got them. Jellybean speaks a little bit of Gujarati as well, can you imagine. The peapod knows her way around her granny, she knows the rules of the house, she knows what is a no-no and she also knows how she can work her way around those but the jellybean is new having quite forgotten what is it that works and what doesn't and ofcourse the rules have changed too. So while the peapod knows she cannot jump on the couch like on a trampoline but can jump on the bean bag, the jellybean clearly has forgotten. Playing with the 2-way light & fan switch have be was their game, but is no more entertained - its a waste of electricity. Likewise playing with the taps on was something they enjoyed as 2 year olds, its again off the list now with lectures on wastage of water. Plucking tulsi leaves off granny's garden after watering the plants and chewing them was an another stuff that was ok, but not anymore ever since the plant leaves almost shriveled up and mom is figuring out how to sort that out. So peapod has an advantage that she uses very well. If she is not getting her way, she will immediately go and get granny and embarrass the poor jellybean who like ever before is the drama queen, ready to shed a bucket at the drop of a hat. Its been just a day but they are back to their games, cooking, jumping, dancing, hiding and all sorts. It also helps when you have crazy entertaining aunts, one who joins their games with equal gusto and seriousness. It doesn't matter she is the mother of an almost 1 yr old. You tell me, who hides under the bed for a good 5 mins when playing hide and seek with two 3 yr olds? Who tries to come up with colors that are hard to find when playing "find the color" around the dinning table? The other aunt dances with them, teaches them to shake their bums and then throws them above her head just to get them laughing uncontrollably. Baby Neil at 10 months crawls around and stands with support and is still wondering what is the chaos all about? The girls love offering their food to him in tiny bits which he very eagerly sucks off their fingers. In short the kids are having super fun and its just been a day.

The Vacation Bible school(VBS) is a 6 day sing-song-story-color & dance thing for 5 days for 3 hours in the church. Its usually conducted during vacations, summer or diwali. Ours began today. Both the girls had been to VBS last year and enjoyed it immensely and they are back to it this year. Its basically full of music, new hymns, action songs, stories and many random activities based on different age groups. As kids, every time we went to Kerala we made sure we could attend VBS at my mom's place. We were a bunch of cousins who would go togather & have the time of our lives. The tempo & mood is high-beat during this week and 5 days pass by just like that. I am here sitting in office, just got off a conference call and have my tasks listed out in front of me but all I am thinking is..oh my, the kids must be having fun and I am missing it. Yeah, sometimes I am still the little girl who loves the loud music, songs/hymns and all the silly-kiddy fun.

And my little monkey, at week 29 is busy kicking. Sometimes I do not realize I am making faces when the kicks set in and makes me uncomfortable. Put on a little music and he/she then settles in well. I am off reading, can almost say "completely". I just don't feel like reading anymore. I am carrying "Devil wears Prada" in my bag and I haven't even opened it. I actually haven't read a book in a month. An another side effect of pregnancy, you think?

Hope you guys have a rocking Diwali as well!! Happy Diwali to my dear dear lovely readers. Yeah ok to the 3 of you who read me.

A few random thoughts at 22 weeks

The worst is hopefully over and the best has begun which is feeling the little kicks. The kicks aren't hard enough for the peapod to feel it yet but the hubby has. I am just beginning to show and I haven't put on any weight from the point at which I started. I so wish I have a little girl this time as well. It doesn't matter if my mom were 3 sisters and we were 3 sisters and I already have a daughter. I just wish for an another daughter. God, I hope you are listening. And if you decide otherwise, that is fine as well and I will probably just love him as much. Its just that I love the concept of 2 daughters better than a son and a daughter. Every second person I seem to be telling this is busy changing my mind, like that would help. Also maybe I shouldn't write about it here, least it gets thrown in my face during teenage years. They can jam my life either way, "you are the one who wanted a daughter, I wasn't begging to get here" or "oh you never wanted me in the first place". So might as well stop when it isn't too late.

There are times I look at the peapod and wonder if I can love anybody any more. I feel love for the kicking monkey, I worry if I am eating right, I worry when I forget my calciums and iron but I can not still compare it to what I feel for the peapod. While I was single and felt I could save the world, I wanted to adopt a child. After the peapod I just wasn't so sure of myself. If I couldn't be fair at heart, it would have killed me to do that to a child. This one is atleast our flesh and blood. One can not fall apart emotionally atleast this way. I use to love to read adoption stories and see family pics where you can't tell which of them was adopted in mags and reader's digest. I had seen a tamil movie on adoption that had madhavan and simran with a couple of my tam friends. I saw that movie for madhavan ofcourse inspite of not knowing a word of tamil. I loved the movie even after seeing it using subtitles. It was a very touching movie. Today I have way too much respect for people who adopt inspite of having kids of their own. I mean I see them with a 100-fold respect today, not because of the adoption per say but because I think it takes a very giving and loving soul to be able to invest equally emotionally. Having said that, I don't understand Angelina Jolie or Madonna's adoption of a child from every continent.

The other thing on my mind was the age difference. Since I and the twins have a 2.5 year difference, I always thought that was ideal and that is what I wanted. Infact I always wanted to have twins. I am sure its pretty obvious I wasn't remotely thinking of handling them, I was only thinking of cute family photographs. Anyway, ideally, on paper, in magz, in other homes, kids with lesser gaps look very very cute. If I could buy it over a shelf, that is exactly what I would have done. What I didn't quite realize is for a 2-2.5yr gap, planning works backward to almost 1-1.5 years. Ha, I wasn't even thinking remotely of a second child then. Now after 3 years of parenting, I feel more confident to go and make that perfect "Hum do humara do". So while I wanted a lesser age difference between the kids, there is no way I was mentally ready any earlier. I just hope the kids bond like us and better(if that is a possibility) and are there for each other FOREVER.

My ideal family pic would have a huge couch with newspapers and pillows thrown all over it where the hubby is reading one and me an another or having an argument sorry discussion over whatever is the current hot topic, with our huge mugs of tea and some music playing in the background. The room would overlook our balcony from where the sunlight would pour into our room. The balcony would ofcourse have a small garden with the vibrant colors of green, yellow, red, white, pink and purple thrown in good proportion and the 2 kids on the carpet right in front of the couch doing their own stuff, even if it means one over the other. Ofcourse a 'Ramu kaka' must be toiling in the kitchen managing the next meal :). Dreams uh!!!

Now that I am 22 weeks, well into my sixth month I so want to tell people, EVERY RANDOM PERSON I meet that I am carrying. So my reply to "You have grown so dark" or "You look so tired" or "You have lost so much weight" or "Haven't seen the peapod in a while" or "Aren't you appearing for the exams in Dec" or "What about your year end appraisals" and even for stuff like "When do we have the prayer meeting at your place" or "How many kids do you have" or "Is she your daughter?" or "We do not see enough of you" and sometimes even for a "Are you coming over", "Are you ready", "can I have something nice to eat, today?", "Where is my Shirt?" is all met with the same answer - "I am Pregnant" :). And post that I am hoping you will drop all that you were saying and just pamper me with "oohs and aahs and wows". Did I just hear you say how naive & self-centered. I so agree.

Mom is off to Manali next week with my sisters. None of us have ever been to the north and I was so looking forward to a holiday in the north.The hubby just didn't want to take any risks with the H1N1 virus around and the six month preggy wife. I am so mad that I have imposed a ban on the "travel & living" channel, which he is so fond of, in our household untill we travel and live next.

I had a little talk.....

.....with the little monkey inside. This morning while I waled to office.

lm: Hi there!!!!
me: Hi (tired climbing the stairs)
lm: so are you planning to send some food down here or just planning to starve me
me: ha!! You sound so much like your father.
lm: so the answer is...
me: will you let me keep something inside without throwing everything right back up
lm: I can try but seriously, what is that stuff you eat?
me: forget what that was, tell me what is it that you want
lm: tangy, bitter will do for now and I will try to behave
me: hmm ..I already knew that.
lm: love you and take care and tell that screaming monkey outside, I am not one bit scared.
me: love you and I will convey the message.

So finally I had a decent lunch in months, today. A little talk helps.

Thanks for all the wishes

I can not get to my blog or the comments section in office and I do not have a internet connection at home(having one didn't help either) and so I couldn't thank each one of you who dropped by to wish me. The last time 1 or 2 of you actually commented here was when I announced that I was carrying the peapod. So ofcourse, since this would be my last stint at the conceiving business, I am not sure when I would hear from you again. So I had to make a separate post just to tell you, each and every "congratulations" has touched my heart.

The nausea is still on. While I am not throwing up all over the place but the continuous queasy feeling can bring anybody to tears. Of all the things I hate my cooking. The last time I told P about getting a maid, he praised my culinary skills to the sky and said he has noticed the improvement in my speed and multi-tasking abilities. Since I was busy enjoying all that niceties he was saying, I forgot my arguments and so we are stay put.

I have realized kitchen intelligence is a completely different expertise. The ability to plan a saturday breakfast on thursday or latest by friday morning so that you can soak the necessities and grind it by evening so that it can sour sufficiently by sat morning is so so so beyond me. I can not even plan the next day's breakfast and so never get to soak any lentils in time. I just plan the hour. On most days I am awake by 6:30, lying in bed and that is when I am thinking what do I make now . When I get back home by 7:45 - 8pm, that is when I am thinking so what is for dinner. So no meal is ever elaborate. Saturday and Sunday are solely for rest. Slogging in the kitchen over meals is not my idea of rest.

I have always been in awe of houses with a bawarchi(cook). I so love the idea of sitting at home and saying things like "Ramu kaka, aaj aloo pakode khaane ka bada dil kar raha hai" or "Saheb ke liye roti aur baigan bharta bana dijiye aur hum mirchi-pakoda khayege"(See how filmy I get addressing the non-existant bawarchi, perfect hindi too..nahi?). To me that is the ultimate luxury.

Someday when I can still stay sane and argue when P is weaving his magic by praising my culinary skills to the sky, I will get our own bawarchi.